“Babe, they’ll have poker
And they’ll have pool!
This New Year’s party is always so cool!”
So screams my boyfriend
We’re in a fight
I feel like he has been begging all night

I’ve told him eight times, it isn’t my thing
Even if they’re watching Lord of the Rings
The menu gives me a fright!

Told him, “I won’t go, ‘cause I hate Krispy Kremes!”
And that’s the main dish; ‘cause ‘Deep Fried’ is the theme
Though I would LOVE a cheese ball
They won’t serve crackers at all
And so I won’t go, ‘cause I hate Krispy Kremes!

They’ve got fried chicken
Fried pickles, too
They fry things of which I haven’t a clue
Deep fried bananas
Legs of a frog
Double deep frying to cook a corndog!

Tell me how much does he plan to throw back
Before he welcomes his first heart attack?
I won’t pay his E.R. bill!

I said, “I won’t go, ‘cause I hate Krispy Kremes!”
Those deep fried Mars Bars aren’t AS good as they’d seem
After they BAKE cookie dough
They fry to cook it some mo’
And I just can’t go, ‘cause I hate Krispy Kremes!

No one makes bean dip
No veggie trays
Raw foods to them are a crime
“Here, try this fried calamari, it’s really sublime!”
Last year I laid awake half of the night
Pants set to burst at the seams
I won’t repeat
That dreadful plight
Caused by eating Krispy Kremes!

(instrumental)

Said, “That’s the WAY it’ll be
If you go, go without me
But then you should know, it’s me OR Krispy Kremes!

“Because I won’t go, when I hate Krispy Kremes
I prefer blood flow
Through art’ries that are clean
You can be SURE I’ll be gone
If you pig out there too long
Baby, if you go, your new ho’s Krispy Kremes!”

I just won’t fry...I just won’t fry...
I just won’t fry...I just won’t fry...

(fade to end)