Laura calls me in the middle of the night
listens to my painful information.
She says, "Tell Dick Cheney!
After all, he's your Vice!"

Soldiers bleeding for my wartime fable.
Presidency isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

She's on my side.
Why does she take this nonsense from me?

Laura has a hard time.
All our life has been been one long disaster.
Then I tell her I suddenly believe I've seen
a very good sign.
I'll be taking some aggressive action.
I fight my wars
while I'm hitting the floors
with my face.

Marrying me was the only mistake that she made.

Here I am
looking like a f---ing fool.
Do I act the way exactly
she would hope me to?

Everytime I think I'm off the hook
somehow I lose my cool.
I'm no machine!
And I can punch all the guys!
And I can push any button I was programmed through!

Laura calls me, knows I need a good fix.
All my questions will get sympathetic answers.
She should be so immunized
like Rummy and Dick.

I'm surviving on my second chances
Sometimes I feel like this God-pander deal is all wrong.
How can I keep on just breaking my word for so long?

I've done everything I can
for the guys who pushed me true!
What else am I supposed to do?
I'm no machine!
And I can punch all the guys!
And I can push any button I was programmed through!

Laura loves me even if no one else cares.
That's her problem.
That's my sacred great beseechment.

If she had to
she would put herself in my chair
even though I faced rightful impeachment.

I always say she's the best friend that I've ever had.
How could she hang up on someone
who needs her that bad?