Queer we are, ‘the stuff’ of urban legends
Shooting our furry friends where light hasn’t shown
We all hope that this will not be mentioned
‘Cause if we’re exposed, it would take on
A real crappy tone

Just cannot imagine us all being probed by PETA
‘Cause as soon as they cracked our chutes, they would make a case, yeah
If they only knew what’s inside our keisters
We would be disgraced


Gerbil Stuffers, yeah, we’re so bizarre
We might be urban legends
But you’ll never know, no, no
‘Cause we keep it all down low

Ooh…ooh…


Going online, I figured out a way
How I can stuff a few gerbils up my ying yay
Hopin’ I have enough of the prescribed lube
I look frantically for a cardboard tube

How could something so bad feel so good
I hope Mr. Rogers isn’t in the neighborhood, yeah
Look in his eyes he ain’t nervous a bit
But he’s gonna go where he barely fits


Gerbil Shooters, yeah, Guess who we are
We might be rumor has it
But you’ll never know, no, no
‘Cause we keep it all down low

Gerbil Smugglers, yeah, guess who we are
Shovin’ our fuzzy friends inside our rears
While we all could use a doctor’s help
We would never go
‘Cause the required gear, is, oh, so queer
So queer, so queer


Gullibly, read the press
Is it truth or rumor mill?
Can you see what’s in a heart?
Do you smell an anally retentive fart?


On the back streets of Hollywood you’ll notice a slime
People get vicious ’when they’re treated unkind
Even through we read it, we know there just blowing smoke
You gotta go easy with the fun that you poke

Urban Legends, that’s what they are
Trying so hard to hide the truth revealed
As we heap dirt unto someone else
Do we want to know?
‘Cause what we feel ain’t always real
Not real, not real, not real, not real