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Song Parodies -> "Better Not Count On Me"

Original Song Title:

"Love In The First Degree"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Better Not Count On Me"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Well, you called me last night from prison
Said you saw my ad on T.V.
Hey before YOU have made your decision
There's something you should know 'bout me

To take all your money I'm tempted
Though I shouldn't charge you a dime
I am the worst
Some think I am cursed
I lose cases ev'ry time

Better off going defenseless
Pray for a hung jur-y
Winning's the thing that you're thinking of?
If so, you'll be sor-ry
'F you're guilty
You'd better not count on me

I cheated my way through Law School
So I rea-lly have no clue
None of my objections are ever sustained
What's a verdict, and what does it do?

I app-roved an all female jury
For my male chau-vin-ist de-fen-dee
Could you define a "crime?"
I'll admit I'm
Shak-y on voc-a-BU-lar-y

I don't care what your defense is
When they ask "What's your plea?"
All you should say, "My lawyer's a schlub"
Maybe they'll have mer-cy
'F you're guilty
You'd better not count on me

(Better not count on me)
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

Smarter to go in defenseless
'Cause if you re-tain me
I'll call a Side Bar and order a Bud
Then claim insanity
'F you're guilty
You'd better not count on me

Better not count on me...oh no
You shouldn't count on me
No one can count on me...oh no
Better not count on me
You shouldn't count on me
No one can count on me

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
but i can always count on you to be amusing...5s
Serafina - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
I can't say that I know the original song too well...but I can always count on you to write great here's a 5-5-5! =)
AFW - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Very funny and fitting...and I think you've described all attorneys..
Kristof Robertson - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
OBJECTION! Councel is making the defendant giggle.....;-) 555
PMS - October 21, 2006 - Report this comment
I think you presented your case very well. 555
Arwen - October 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Alvin...well, thanks...I'll try not to let you down! =)

Serafina...I won't hold it against you that you don't know an early 80s Alabama hit by heart...especially since you pour on the praise in spite of not knowing it...=) Thanks!

AFW...=) Thanks very much! I hope that isn't case I ever DO need to sue someone. I've chosen my current attorney based upon his appearance only...I'm not sure how he'll hold up in an actual "legal" setting. ; )

Kristof...Overruled! =) Thanks!

PMS...well, thanks...I appreciate that!
Serafina - October 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Well I do know lots of early 80's songs, even though I was just a little girl then (and I do have some fond memories of my childhood during those days); Alabama is not a group whose music I've been very familiar with, that's all.
Arwen - November 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Count Something...I read through your comment 8 times with the most confused look on my face that I think I've ever made. Finally I read it out loud, thinking that might help...but all I got was the same look from my part time office secretary. I think you might have said something in the end about sex and my toes...and really, I'm flattered...but I just don't get into that kind of kinky stuff. But thanks. And I'm pretty sure I wonna forgeta. Or something.
some person - November 06, 2006 - Report this comment
It looks like a spam. You can report it with the "inappropriate" link. That's what I would do.
some person - November 07, 2006 - Report this comment
oh goody, it's gone. In the future, you don't have to respond to comments that don't make the least ounce of sense.
Arwen - November 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Some Person: Oh MY response doesn't look nearly as clever, without that nonsensical reference point. And you and I clearly have different views on what spam is...because that wouldn't have fallen under the category for me. And I never would have reported it. Now I'm sad that it's gone...=( the future, I will continue to respond to whatever comments I choose, whether they make sense or not...and you don't have to worry about cleaning up my comment threads for me.
Some Person - November 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Sorry then.

What if "jonny" did his thing again?
Arwen - November 08, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm sorry..."jonny?"
Some Person - November 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Not too long ago, there was a guy named "jonny" who kept spamming the comment threads simply by writing just his name in the comment body field. He's gone now.
COF COF - July 01, 2013 - Report this comment
your a real sweety aren't you. We don't ever reconcile. PERIOD oooh slipped that in there??? Im going with that. You just sell but no delivery. Have fun with that...................

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