That call is my friend
I'll let the phone go on and ring
Cuz I just can't get out of bed today
I'm too sick to do anything
Ya baby my nose is stuffy
And I've got a bad migraine
And here comes again, that fish taco I ate
Oh please don't look now I'm gonna spew my
Lunch all over the place
I used to be a singer
But now my voice is too high
With this stuffy nose, I sound
Like that stupid Mickey Mouse guy

Tell me what it takes to blow my nose
Tell me how this snot's supposed to go
Tell me how to get myself to sneeze
In a way, to make all these little germs
Go away so that I can be cured and
Overcome this disease
Tell me what it takes to blow my nose

Germs, before I met you, I was F.I.N.E. fine
But your infection's got a hold of me
Ya I feel like I might die
You make me feel all crummy
Like I'm eating spinach pie
You make it real hard for me to keep my food down inside
You make me sneeze so hard I'm going to lose one of my eyes

Tell me what it takes to blow my nose
Tell me where these snotty tissues go
Tell me a sufficient remedy
Because I have been sneezing
And coughing and puking and farting and
I just want to sleep some tonight
Tell me what it takes to blow my nose, doctor!

Tell me why there's no cure for the common cold
Get me some medicine and tell me where it's sold
Tell my friend that my body can't be touched
Tell her that my coughing doesn't hurt that much
Tell her that I feel better when she plays nurse for me

Tell me what it takes to blow my nose
Tell me when this stupid cold will go
Get me to the nearest pharmacy
So that I can buy some prescription
drugs that will make me feel better
and not want to end my own life

Tell me that I'm going to be all right
Cuz I don't want to die from a parasite