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Song Parodies -> "Roland the Dread Pest Pond-Scum Bummer"

Original Song Title:

"Roland, the Headless Thompson Gunner"

Original Performer:

Warren Zevon

Parody Song Title:

"Roland the Dread Pest Pond-Scum Bummer"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Roland is a whorier from the land of Lake-wind-dried bums.
He's a pond-scum crumb for hire, bribing to be done.
The deal was made in Springfield, after Roland had to pay
To set off for Washington, to join the scum who bray.

He'd licked his sidekick's rectum, a fawning Blago whore,
Who had fingers in the till--and kneed, teeth to bore.
He served as a bagman for Blago, whom he'd please
By filling up the till and help with the Congress squeeze.

Roland, the pond-scum bummer. . . .

His comrades now decry him, this loathsome ghastly pest,
The appalling Blago-bum-purge, Roland, is a jest.
You can see why they don' like him--he has sullied the bed
That these sons o' bitches sleep in. . .lobbyists give head.

Roland, the dread pest pond-scum bummer
(Slime, slime, just another sleaze and whore)
Bore-bray, knave-pest dunce
(His crimes aren’t nil--he had helped the creepy corps)
We can still see this pestilential pox within our sight,
An unmuzzled wack job, Blago's pond-scum chum,
An unmuzzled wack job, bragging, "No wrong done!"

Roland, besmirched Congressman—though a scam, they brung him in.
Now out they will toss his ass. . .casting stones. . .not without sin.
Roland came to pond-scum bums who bray cascading turds,
But the truth was something that he ain't never talked a word.

Roland, the dread pest pond-scum bummer. . . .

The infernal pond-scum bummer's still lingering in our sight.
A prevaricator, he still keeps up the fight.
A hired hand for theft-bent Rod, his pal a swinish perks-seek.
Blaggy's thirst for the worst meant Roland, pond-scum bum.
He bought him.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Patrick - February 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Great original song. I appreciate your use of language in referring to the occupation forces in DC. It's long overdue for them to hear this kind of talk from their constituents. Politeness has never gotten us anything.
Mark Scotti - February 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job on a favorite song of mine, John. I was just pondering the other day taking on a Warren Zevon song, and this starts my muse clicking!
Andy Primus - February 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Very descriptive slag-off although I don't know anything about the man in question. He sounds like any number of British politicians. I've always wondered whether you have to be an ar*ehole to be a politician or whether being a politician makes you one.
John Barry - February 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Patrick, Mark, Andy.
alvin - February 26, 2009 - Report this comment
even weirder than the OS and that's saying something

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