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Song Parodies -> "Draggin' Behind"

Original Song Title:

"Draggin' The Line"

Original Performer:

Tommy James

Parody Song Title:

"Draggin' Behind"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

This is what happens when you *don't* have "too much caffeine".

Despise TOS, but inspired to parody it by someone's else fiddling around with it yesterday. Also hate to send up anyone named "Tommy" hehe ... and though the archives are split 50-50 on whether to include The Shondells, the fact is the group broke up in 1970, and this 1971 hit helped launch James' solo career. One hour detention, Teach. (Next time, it's over the knee :-) .... Very different theme from Guy DiRito's somewhat similar title switch five years ago.

I swore, "No stimulants for today"
Red Bull™, not drinkin', and no café
Tea, organic, quaffing, herbal kind

Draggin' behind (draggin' behind)

Ritalin™: thoughts grow like flowers
If I don't take, my gray matter sours
Dig the "snow" and meth; what great combine! *

Shaggin' some lines (shaggin' some lines)
Fraggin' my mind (fraggin' my mind)

I can't work; I'm gettin' so far behind
How slowly drags the time! My strength, how it declines

Draggin' behind (saggy behind)
Crag in my mind (raggy, my mind)

Coffee and tea and ginseng cola
An amphetamine and cocaine, bowl a'
Ready to go again; just watch me shine

Crossin' the line (crossin' the line)

I decline unless my poor mind can dine
And make me feel sublime; a feeling so divine

Elsewise, no spine (elsewise, I whine)
Laggin': my mind (flaggin', my mind)
Draggin' behind (draggin' behind) ...

*"snow" -- one of many euphemisms for cocaine.

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Now, come on, aren't turtles slow to start with!! LOL! Spikin' up the caffine with some fives!!
Old Man Ribber - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Stimulating! Up to speed! ;D
Christie Marie M - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
I can't go a day without caffeine so I can relate to your parody! I would go to Starbucks before I started my shift when I used to go work at ShopRite. Funny you should mention it. I had a McCafe from McDonald's today. I gave me a lot of pep. Impressive switch of choruses in your song! Take 555 McCafe's from McDonald's to perk up so you don't drag behind. Love the OS, btw, but I love the '91 version better by the band Beat Goes Bang.
2Eagle - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Try taking vitamins.
Buzzed-a-Little Girl - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!... But I am worth it. (hehe) ;)

If I were going to nitpick on anything, it might be that, aligned with the OS, the syllabic emphasis here would make "matter" in line 6 to read "matTER". That's "if" I were going to. Which I'm not.
Mia Culpa - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Correct as usual, King Friday. However, since the intro phrase *should* read "someone else's", let's call it even for failure to proofread. ;)

We'll review your discipline plan at the next faculty meeting.
Tommy Turtle - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Good point! :) thanks!

Old Man Ribber: LOL! thanks!

Christie Marie M: Please tell 2Eagle that this was written on your behalf, OK? lol. thanks for v/c!

2Eagle: Actually, I've never boffed a sheep, either. As noted above, written for CMM lol . thanks for v//c.

BaLG: Agree! Agree! ... and agree.

Tua Culpa: Look before you (cri)tique :D ... and I don't care what the modern linguists say -- they;re the same people who are allowing "agenda" as singular, and a host of other formerly-incorrect usages as OK, because of the poor teaching of English in our schools :P ... "else" is an adjective, and therefore can't be possessive, in my book. Even the modern wimps allow for the possibility:, 2nd usage note:

"When a pronoun is followed by else, the possessive form is GENERALLY written with the 's following else: That must be someone else's (not someone's else) book. Both who else's and whose else are in use"

Sorry, but I am not "generally", I an unique (in adhering to logic). 300,000,000 people making a mistake doesn't mean it isn't a mistake, even if the gurus cave in. They still gave the "out" of "generally", which means "usually". so *someone* has to do it the other way to justify their not saying "always". It's a lonely job, but someone has to do it. (sigh)

Wait a minute -- "failure to proofread." You're implying that it wasn't done deliberately (cf. supra), AND that TT doesn't proofread his work, often for far longer than it takes to write? Two more demerits....

Given the false accusation by BaLG, the faculty meeting is going to be interesting.
Andy Primus - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
5 matchsticks for your eyes, 5 pins to stick in your flipper & 5 balloons (use the pins)
Guy - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Mr. Turtle - you really dragged my old parody from the dusty archives. I'd forgotten that I even wrote that thing. I remember now why I wrote it. There was a GS worker named John and I can't for the life of me remember his last name right now, who "showed up" daily in the same place where I actually did some work. He gave federal civil servants a bad rep. He didn't do a lick of work and was about three years from retirement and because of the system it would have taken an act of congress to dismiss him for being a slug.. The only way they could have canned him was if he did something illegal or got caught ripping off Uncle Sam. I hated him for it. So I wrote this parody about him. I went a step further since I had admin rights on any and all computer workstations on our network, I fixed his startup so when he booted his PC in the morning that parody was what showed up on his screen. I gave it five minutes before timing out and flashed on his screen that he needs to be sh*t canned. Then I had it do a mission impossible where the tape recorder self destructs so nothing could have very easily been traced back to me by management. But John knew who did it to him because my name is on the parody. So as the late and great Paul Harvey used to say "Now you know the rest of the story, g'day"

I'm going to take this parody and record it on a 45 rpm single vinyl record and play it at 78 speed to get the full effect of being amped. I was taken down by the police once for speed, but the speed was being done by the car I was driving. It went something like this:

Cop - Good evening sir - may I see your llicense, registration and proof of insurance.
Guy - Sure but what did I do?
Cop - I clocked you at 80 miles an hour.
Guy - But officer that is impossible.
Cop - you eyeballin' me boy?
Guy - No officer - it is really an impossibiity and I can prove it.
Cop - OK, I'm game tell why it's impossible.
Guy - well officer you said you clocked me at 80 MPH which makes that impossible because I haven't even been out for an hour yet.

TT - Thanks for plugging my old parody but no thanks for the bad memories about old John the slug.

One for the road from Steven Wright:

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time".

See what speed can do? Do you TT huh do you??? Get off the junk. - great parody.

Draggin' out fives. (Draggin' out fives)
Grammar Moses - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
So, BaLG is catching "shell" from you, is she?

True, "else" is an adjective. It is also an adverb, as in "How else could we use this word?". In this instance, though, I'd consider it part of a compound construction conveying the idea of a single entity. So "someone else's" is acceptable. As to the proofreading, I'm sure BaLG meant no disrespect. She just knows from experience that even the most diligent editors sometimes miss small details when viewing their own work for the umpteenth time.
AFW - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody is not draggin''s way out in front! Top job..
Snow Tires... - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody truly belongs in the elevated realms of the upper echelons of those pinacled pantheons near the zenith of the apogee of stimulating diversions! Great wordplay and subsequent lengthy, er, highatribe! Hai Fives
Business Major, English Miner - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Andy Primus: Not sure I get the references (another Pond difference?), but appreciate the Fives. Thanks!

Guy: Sorry if it brought back bad memories -- wanted to acknowledge the similar switch, lest be accused of plagiarizing it. Thanks for v/c.

Grammar Moses: Of *course* it's acceptable; it was admitted to be more than acceptable, but *general* in usage. But logically, suppose you change "else" to "different" .... "I saw someone different's parody"... "I saw someone other's parody..." "I saw someone who wasn't I's parody" -- think that's absurdum enough on the reductio. Was merely stating my case that being the (perhaps sole) non-general user was also correct. .. and remember, these are the authorities who have allowed "media" to be used in the singular without public flogging (whatever happened to "medium"?) ... not to mention datum, criterion, phenomenon ... "A modern phenomena ... (pukes) ... I'll write you a full memoranda on it, or maybe two memorandums. xoxoxo
TT - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
AFW, thanks much!
Andy Primus - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
They're all ways of staying awake from cartoons. In Tom & Jerry , Tom propped his eyelids open with matchsticks. I think it was also T & J that I saw the other two - sticking himself with a pin & popping a balloon by his ear - hope it makes a bit more sense now.
alvin - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
great concept and execution
Guy - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - I'm jerking your chain about the bad memories. The guy was a slug and there was nothing else to it. And I never get upset whenever anyone uses my themes or my titles for that matter. I won't stand for out and out plagarism whether I am on the receiving end or someone else is. If my parodies give you ideas please be my guest to use the ideas. I just thought it was decent of you to plug my writing. If you didn't I would not have even realized it because I'd forgotten about that parody until I clicked on your link and the parody poped onto the screen.
Tommy Turtle - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Snow Tires: Superb "chain" of descriptors! ... and having poked numerous holes in fingertips trying to install tire chains, found snow tires much better. Got a set in the garage, barely used -- sell 'em to ya cheap -- not much need for 'em in Turtleville. Thanks for v/c.

Andy Primus: Thank you, Sir! ... doesn't take much t confuse the pea-brain, and was never much a T&J fan. More liked Rocky & Bullwinkle. Cheers.

alvin: thanks much.

Guy: Really, mostly just to plug ya :) If I'd written 800+ songs, I probably wouldn't remember them all either. :)
@Getting the Business - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
OK, OK... the non-general use is certainly correct in form, if not in substance. I'm not sure the phrase has been used by anyone since the advent of electricity...but if you're happy, I'm happy. All viewpoints will be tolerated, no matter how idiosyncratic. ;)

It's good that we can get together and dialogue... (oooo-- evil, evil moi) ;)
Tortoise Alva Edison - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Electricity -- at least when it was digitized into 0s and 1s, resulting in the WWW, and certainly by television before that [1]-- is probably responsible for the downfall of the language.

But what's wrong with coloring the Yuletide bonfire?

[1] "Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should"
"Who do you trust?
AOL: "You've got mail", which also became a movie title. I already "have" the mail; why do I also "got" it?
Winston Churchill - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Improper language usage is something up with which I will not put.
Little Girl Unhappy Over Bedtime Story - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
"Daddy, why did you bring that book that I didn't want to be read to out of up for?"
From Bed To Verse - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
(should be) "Daddy, WHAT .... " (preview pane! preview pain!)

Compounding the felony: When the Churchillites brought the error to the attention of Winston's ad agency (the cigarette, not the politician), they ran a new series acknowledging their error, but asking,

"What do you want, good grammar or good taste?"

(Aside from the fact that the two are not only not mutually exclusive, but actually, in some opinions, correlated, they screwed up^2, since, of course, it should be "Which do you want?", in the presence of specific alternatives as opposed to a general inquiry.)

Didn't like the idea of dyeing a log, huh?
Et in Terra(pin) Pax Omnibus - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
- Don't you know the Queen's English? - Why, yes, I heard she was.

(you always color my world-- with puns)
Logging On - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
P.S. If you wish to dye your log, that is entirely up to you. ;)
Amanda B. Reckondwith - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
@ Logging On: As you'll see on Wednesday (I hope), I believe that all private parts should be left their natural color.

(foreshadowing, and also giving a clue to finding one of that song's "Easter Eggs", since the EE in "In Vagin'" was apparently missed by all, even the most e-rude-ite readers, per conversation with one such. )
@Amanda - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Looked again... last line?
@Amanda (redux) - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Never mind... I found it (per hint of aforementioned conversation). Sheesh!

But the last line, since it's been made abundantly clear that ttypos do not happen, is a clever wordplay. :)
Rabbit Redux - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Last line was definitely an EE for puter geeks. Not sure which "aforementioned conversation", but if it was the email of 8/7/09, yeah, I'm pretty sure you got it -- prob. better to confirm privately, for reasons that are obvious if we're talking about the same "egg", so to speak. Cheers.
adagio - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
You are right about one thing, are unique!
adagio - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
...and so is this parody! 5's Had to finish it in two comments because I haven't had my coffee yet.
adagio - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
oops! I didn't realize that the 2nd comment would form a sentence with your title. That's what I get. ;)
tt - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
adagio: aw, c'mon, ya planned it that way -- and quite clever it was! ... if not, thanks for proving my point :) ... and for v/c.
adagio - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
I think YOU are the clever one! hehe Proving what point? (now I turn 'duh!')
tt - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
adagio: proving my point that without one's coffee or other preferred stimulant, one drags one's behind :)
adagio - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
So right....I knew what it was before, but attempted to write without my coffee and then promptly forgot...*sigh* I'd better hush before you have me digging a hole with my durn
tt - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
oh, I think you're quite capable of doing that without any help from moi :P KIDDING! xoxoxo :) :) :)

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