Edith knows what it's like
To be the "wifey"
To be with "Archie"
With bedroom eyes

Edith knows what it's like
To be stifled
To be trifled
And hearing Archie's "scheisse"

But her head
Is not as empty
As perception seems to be
She has brains holy, moley!
Her love is patient
She's always glee

Edith knows what it's like
To pay the mortgage
Like she do
And she came through
Archie buys him a bar
And she's angered
All of the strain pain and woe
Did show through

Cause his dreams
They weren't a taxi
As his title seemed to be
He earned fares, cabbie, crabbie
His love's for Edith
He never cheats (not even with Boom, Boom)

When her jaw clenches, Archie opens
Kind-a-suavely and sort-a-cool
With a smile, telling the good news
But she laughs and calls him a fool
Why go borrow everything Archie?
It's a dagger to our throats
If I quiver, please give me a second
You got nerve, Let me see the note

Archie knows what it's like
To be a dreamer
To bed a "Screamer!"*
With bedroom eyes


* (Oooh Archie...! Stifle yourself Edith you'll wake up Gloria and Meathead!)