Song Parodies -> "Ball of Confusion (That Was the Cup of FA)"

Original Song Title:

"Ball of Confusion (That's What the World Is Today)"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Ball of Confusion (That Was the Cup of FA)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

This weekend saw the playing of the 4th Round of England's FA Cup -- the Football Association Cup. In a season in which America's National Football League has seen more bad news than ever before, the growth of Major League Soccer, the 2014 World Cup, and the newly-expanded reach of global television carriers has allowed us to see the world's most popular sport as the rest of the world sees it. And we like what we see. The FA Cup is England's answer to our college basketball "March Madness," except it runs all season long, concurrent with the League season, from sorting out the smallest of clubs starting in August, to the lower divisions of The Football League getting into it in November, to the 3rd Round on the 1st Saturday in January, to the Semifinals in April and the Final (the 8th round) in May, the last 2 rounds at London's Wembley Stadium. This weekend's 4th Round action was particularly amazing, due to some upsets and near-upsets of top-flight clubs. London giants Chelsea losing to 3rd division Yorkshire side Bradford City? That's like if Duke (also blue with hooligan fans) were based in New York, and lost in the 2nd Round to Florida Atlantic. There are 2 kinds of people who don't love the FA Cup: Psychopaths, and people who've never heard of it.

(instrumental opening)

Knocking clubs out.
Some staying in
just by the hair
of their chinny-chinny-chin.
Run, run, run
but you sure can't shoot!

A fist to the eye.
Elbow to the tooth.
Victory, it would set us free!
Rap on, bruvver, rap on.

Well, see Cambridge earned themselves a replay against
Man United.
And Bradford City knocked out first-place Chelsea? That's
been decided.
Tactics session, club progression, hooligan fan regression.
Aggravation, humiliation, frustration in English nation!

Ball of confusion!
That's what the Cup is, FA!

The transfer fees are at an all time high.
Young players walk 'round with their heads in the sky.
Then bottle on pitch in the wintertime.
And oh... they're beat, right on.

Last-place Leicester City
beat Tottenham, not pretty.
Man City sings "Blue Moon."
Middlesbrough knocked them out soon.
Call-in guests say more transfers will solve everything!

Across Albion.

So, 'round and around and around we go.
Who's gonna win the Cup? Nobody knows.

Loss by Southampton? Crystal Palace fans are dancin'!
Just a ball of confusion!
That's what the Cup is, FA!
Yay yay!

Balls in the air. Upsets everywhere.
Your blood pressure's rising fast.
The fan in front of you has gas.

Arsenal nearly got taken to a replay by Brighton...

and Hove Albion!

Sheffield United fans excited.
Queens Park Rangers beat.
Can the Blades take the heat?
Cup run by West Ham
managed by Big Sam.
Bolton drew with Liverpool,
took the Scousers for a fool.
People all over the world are shouting,
"Come on, score!"

Goal for Albion?

(Instrumental)

Ahhhh, come on, Derby County!
Can you win an FA Cup run's bounty?

Ball of confusion!
That's what the Cup is, FA!
Yay yay!

Fookin' wankas, fookin' wankas, fookin' wankas!
Sayin'
Ball of confusion!
That's what the Cup is, FA!
Yay yay!

Fookin' wankas, fookin' wankas, fookin' wankas!
Sayin'
Ball of confusion!
That's what the Cup is, FA!
Yay yay!

(repeat 'til fade)

If you'll pardon the slightly masked Cockney profanities at the end. If you don't love the FA Cup, check your pulse, because you might well be dead. Either that, or your team has already been knocked out of it, so their chances are dead. But, as Nick Hornby taught us in "Fever Pitch," "There's always another season: You lose the Cup Final in May, well, there's the 3rd Round to look forward to in January. What's wrong with that? It's actually rather comforting, if you think about it."

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