Ow! Ow! (bleeped mumbling)

I been skewer'd by a bold old splinter
While I'd been repaintin' moulding on my house
It sure took a hold, that splinter
And a lot of blood did all spurt out

Been skewer'd by a shard shard splinter
Like teeth its ragged edges ground
Can I cope, it's gonna need an art'ry plumber
As a lot o' blood's a concerning sight

And I wish I'd been somewhat fella-brawnier
When my lights dimmed as the Missus tweezed it out
All just from turning that fell brush's handle
'Fraid that putrefaction pus'll all abound

Ow! - I've sure got a whole hole skin-tear voidy
The pieces snaggin' most profound
Pray it heals without contaminatin'
My poor ring fing-er a band-aid goes round

When out it's fished, I see now a whole canyon
With this plight my future dext'rousness in doubt
Well digit's burning like hell cooking scandals
And my next oration stays best unpronounced...!

Ah call 9-1-1

Stunned, I, I think about why baby an' yell
And, rum-primed, I pry it outta, and I
yell yell yell yell yell yell yell yell
Now apply antiseptic on it - screamin'
Yeah apply antiseptic on it - screamin'

First aid I'm balkin' at...

Yeah where's my amb'lance got to now?
Hell, pain is now!
Sure think ya better a-bleep my words
Some grime's a turnin' laceration browna
This time I really fear there's gangrene formin'
Stun grime: I'm pourin' anaesthetic on by quarty
This time I really fear there's gangrene formin'
This wide abrasion's reapin' harm harm harm yeah
Stun grime: I'm pourin' anaesthetic on and morphine try
Yeah fraidy - decline to heal right
So I So I ... die die die die die