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Song Parodies -> "This Da Vinci, It's a Novel"

Original Song Title:

"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"

Original Performer:

The Hollies

Parody Song Title:

"This Da Vinci, It's a Novel"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

It was far more likely, 2,000 years ago as now, for a Jewish man, roughly the age of 30, to be married and have a child than it was for him to walk on water and raise the dead. So maybe it is based on the truth. After all, as the song goes, "Were you there when... " No, and you weren't there to find archeological evidence one way or the other, either. It could be true, or not. And if it's not true... as William Shatner might say, "Get a life, will ya, people? It's just a novel!"
The "Code" is long
with many a winding turn
that leads us to you-know-who.
Is it true?

Is it wrong?
Wrong enough to get your goat?

This "Da Vinci"
it's a novel.

So get a life.
This story has got you burned.
The burden you see and feel
it ain't real.

For I know
anger still pours from your throat.

This "Da Vinci"
it's a novel.

If I'm reading this book
it's just diversion.
It's not gospel truth
as in the King James Version.
Your anger is awful.

It's a long, long "Code."
From which you will never learn.
It could be a lie.
If not
then so what?

And the "Code"
doesn't upset me at all.
This "Da Vinci"
it's a novel.

It's a novel!
This "Da Vinci"
it's a novel!

(fade out, which is what its critics ought to do)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   9

User Comments

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Johnny D - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Amen, I say, to this excerpt from The Book of Pacholek 5:55.
Newfoghill - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
There has always been a very small market for truth. Happily this is one of them.
Michael Pacholek - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Blessed are the rich in humor, for theirs is the kingdom of the Castkills. Woe to thee who cannot take a joke! So it is written! So it shall be spoofed! I hath spoke! So be it! (You think it's easy being a prophet? It ain't...)
alvin rhodes - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
novel concept...5s
Stuart McArthur - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
I wish I could write something that a whole religion would ban - just can't think of anything - 5s
John Jenkins - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Very good topic, and very good parody, and while I partly agree with your message, I think you are being too hard on the critics. While this is a novel, it is a historical novel. What would one think about a novel set in World War II that denied the Holocaust? Or a novel about the United States Civil War that implied that Abraham Lincoln founded the Ku Klux Klan?

If Dan Brown has a certain interpretation of some accounts of Jesus' life that got excluded from the Bible, I think it is appropriate to listen to critics put these accounts into their proper perspectives. And, if Mr. Brown has controversial interpretations of Da Vinci's painting of The Last Supper; again, I think it is appropriate to hear the critical perspectives of art historians. And, Michael, aren't you the last person in the world who would want critics to disappear?

By the way, I did read the novel; and, while I did not care for Mr. Brown's style or far-fetched implications with respect to Christianity, I really enjoyed the intriguing plot and the anagrams, and I could not put the book down.
Ethan Mawyer - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
well-written parody, and i agree with the sentiment. Now it's probably a matter of time until angels and Demons gets banned as well with its less than positive portrayal of conservative Catholics. I believe i have written a novel that would be banned by quite a few religions if it got popular enough for people who ban books to know about it. But so far I've had zero success in convincing people i don't know personally to buy a copy... that's the problem with self-publishing.
Phil Alexander - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
I thought Angels and Demons worked much better as a novel: thing is, having already read "Holy Blood and the Holy Grail", the Da Vinci code didn't actually come up with any new ideas... what it did do, however, was fictionalize it (and have Langdon teaming up with *another* beautiful, brilliant, young woman... some guys have all the luck). Completely agree with the parody, too :-)
Lurker - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
The book is garbage. It masquerades as fact, fooling many who do not realize that it is pure fiction. The author pretends to have done legitimate research, but his pretensions have been debunked. Read "The Da Vinci Hoax."
Royce Miller - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Ethan--who is talking about book banning? The Da Vinci Code has not been banned---this is not communist China, (thank God) this is America-and not all "religious people" are running around trying to get things banned; but if they think what they believe is worth anything, they are speaking up and saying so.
martha - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
truly excellent subject OS and parody 5s all round!!
Michael Pacholek - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Stuart: Give yourself time. I have, uh, faith in you. Lurker: Any book you recommend is good for only one thing, something that would likely make it the subject of a Malcolm Higgins parody. (Which would be the only thing to actually make it worth reading.)
Michael Pacholek - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
John J: I needed a separate comment for this rebuttal. Don't worry, I'm not gonna torch you, knowing you didn't torch me. I don't think I'm being nearly as hard on the DVC haters as they are being on the book, which is kind of the point of the song. But your analogy to World War II is WAY off. The defining theme of World War II was freedom vs. tyranny -- though the bloodiest fighting was between two pairs of tyrannies, Nazi Germany vs. Soviet Russia and Imperial Japan vs. Chiang's corrupt Republic of China. The Holocaust was a manifestation of, not to mention an infestation from, the central issue, not the central issue itself. To compare The DVC to a WW2 novel denying the Holocaust is a huge fallacy, since the possibility that Jesus and Mary Magdalene producing a child does not change the central message of Christianity, which is, "Do as this man did, not just as he said: Love your neighbor as you would have yourself loved by others, help those who need it, and tell those who are greedy and hateful that they must change their ways." How would a Nazarene-Magdalene child, if one was born, have changed that? I should say that I have not read the book, nor am I likely to, nor am I likely to see the movie. I just don't think it's worth getting THAT angry about, unlike, say, the movie "Titanic," as you'll see in my parody "The Longest Film." (That last line was meant as humor.) And the only critic I would like to have disappear is Michael Medved, whom Theodore Roosevelt must have had in mind when he wrote, "It is not the critic that counts..."
John Jenkins - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Michael, thank you for your thoughtful response. And don’t worry about offending me. One of my favorite aspects of AmIRight is your attempts to torch those who disagree with you, particularly with your use of relevant quotes like the one from Theodore Roosevelt. If John Kerry had had you as a speech writer, he might have done a little better.

My analogies might be imprecise, but they are not “huge fallacies.” I am agreeing with your argument that book critics should not be too hard on the author of a work of fiction, but the author of a historical novel has a higher responsibility to the truth than a normal writer of fiction. While I agree with your assessment of WWII, I think your summary of Christianity is incomplete. Christ wasn’t merely a good man and a good teacher. He was the son of God who died to redeem our sins.
MrMacphisto - March 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Good parody... but I don't find that the Da Vinci Code OR the Bible involves truth. Science is truth: religion is conjecture.

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