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Song Parodies -> "Shakespearian Woman"

Original Song Title:

"American Woman"

Original Performer:

The Guess Who

Parody Song Title:

"Shakespearian Woman"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The Bard's broads can be awfully hard on a guy... ~ MIDI here ~.
Shakespearian Woman
(by hapless male lead)

Shakespearian Woman-
Stay afar from me-ee!
Shakespearian Woman-
Wench, it's *not* to be-ee!
Don't come a' soothin' no sly riposte-
I don't wanna see yo' Daddy's ghost!
Quaff bane potion for love's show ?!?
Find yourself a dumber Romeo!
Hark, Woman-
Stayeth far away-ay!
Shakespearian Woman-
I don't like your play-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!

Shakesperian woman-
Drama Queen, et tu-eew?
Shakesperian woman-
All three Acts are Lew-ewd!
Don't be un-claspin' your 'Fortin-bras'-
Cover those Old Globes, hO-Fe-eel-Ya'!
Shakin' 'speares' with you one risks-
Shufflin'-off his mortal prick!
Hark, Woman-
Don't you know you're si-ick?
Shakespearian Woman-
Rather ‘do’ Yor-ick-ick-ick!

{ interminable lute solo by... Guesseth Whom... }

Shakesperian Woman-
Frickin' Leer'in' shrew-ew!
Shakesperian woman-
Cliffeth's Notes were true-eew!
Don't bother forcin' my chamber's door-
I'll be on the road from hElsinore!
I won't do your Lady 'Duff'-
Fie your three-way star-crossed muff!
All your 'men' end Hamletized-
Poisoned, clubbed, then stabbed in eyes
So Woman-
Keep yer bodice aw-on!
Shakesperian Woman-
Mama, be thee gone!

Gotta get away, find another play-this one's too 'Poe'
I'm like thither Woman-
You stay hither Woman-
Bye *bard*-breath!
Fie *gar*-lecth!

You're all 'rut' with me-
I'm all 'wrought' with you-
Y'got me $hittin' soliloquies
Had it with yer 'Much Ado'...

You know I shall de-*part*-eth-
You know I shall not *tar*-ry-
You know I'll hither *yon*-der-
You know I'm gonna 'stage left', Woman-
Gonna leave thee, Woman!
Duncan Ho-nuts Woman!
Get thee nunn'ry'd, Chick!


[ Henceforth this song tis available for download to your iClaudius
from'eth ]

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
hilarious....and very fave of the rocketh
Dee Range - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Get-eth thyself a band to record this. At the very top of your prodigious Top-10 list, which is quite a feat, and as good as Spaff's "Shakespearean Pie" epic which won Song Of The Year here several years ago. Bravo, TJC! 5's don't do this classic the justice it deserves.
LadyAchoooo - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Much 'Ado bout your Lady, my Lord! Me thinketh you doth lust for her Ladyship so, Sir !
Leo Keough - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
When I saw the title, I thought, wouldn't it be great if this parody was done in 'bard-speak' and had lots of Shakespearean references...and my hopes were not dashed! Superb job!!!
AFW - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Five V or not five v...yes five V's...definitely...I totally agree with alvin...
Dreaded Mom - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
5s! Forsooth, liked this from the moment I saw the title, and it didn't disappoint.
TJC - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
You all most definitely 'art' way too kind and Puckin' awesome to booteth, especially Sir Dee whose praise floweth well and truly over-the-top (I'm not complaining, mind you, but still feel I grovel at your, Lord Spaff's and many others here's curiously iambic feet). Sincerest thanks ever and anon!
Stuart McArthur - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
brilliant as usual TJC - too many good lines, etc. but I did LOL at Guesseth Who and "Rather ‘do’ Yor-ick-ick-ick!" - a lot of work went into this one, and a great OS for satirising the Bard - 555
Christie Marie M - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I giveth thee III sets of V's. ( Translation: 3 sets of 5's).
William Shakespeare - February 10, 2009 - Report this comment
A touch, a touch, I do confess - thou hast lampooned me well, Sir TJ of C. Thy parody exceeds man's might; that dwells with gods above.

(Hamlet, V: 2; Troilus and Cressida, III: 2)
Victoria's Secret (Norwegian Division) - February 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks for plugging our new lingerie line, the Fortin-bras!
Patrick - February 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Wonderful mix of modern language and Shakespearean dialog. Today's school teachers have obscured the fact that Shakespeare, in his day, was considered rather "low-brow" entertainment, the forerunner of modern sitcoms and soap operas. Thou hast also captured the sexuality of the Bard's plays.
TJC - February 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks all.... Stu: Appreciate the kind comments, glad the Yor-ick got yore Yor-yuck! Christie: Thanks for the 'giveth'... but just to warn you, most likely next parody you'll 'taketh away' Bill: Wow! Appreciate the quote, but me thinks you have me confused with Tomas Terrapin... Vicky: Thank *you*! (I'm wearing one now and I telleth you truely, it lifteth and separateth my couplets like no other! Patrick: Thanks... you sound, er, 'well versed' yourself!
McKludge - February 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Even stranger when you consider that back in the Bard's day, female roles in plays were often played by men. Top notch punnery.
Hamlet - February 11, 2009 - Report this comment
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

(Hamlet, Act 3 Scene 2)
Invisible Boy - February 11, 2009 - Report this comment
I missed this yesterday but I have to say...this is fantastic, TJC. You had me at "Stay afar from me-ee!"
TJC - February 11, 2009 - Report this comment
McKludge: Thanks... me thinks the term 'tranny' doth be derived from Olde English? Hamlet: And perhaps fare, to booteth! IB: Thanks for voteths and commentary!
John Jenkins - February 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent stuff, TJC, particularly the "Fortinbras/Ophelia" couplet.
Parody Keet - February 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Forsooth - I think thou hast a rapier wit! Huzzah!

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