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Song Parodies -> "Jess Bravado"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Jess Bravado"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Back to the tables today. There was this guy who had some strange views about how to win at blackjack. Not too unusual, lots of people have touted their “systems” for winning, but none of them really work. The only way to win is to count cards and bet more when you have an advantage and bet less when you don’t. But this dude claimed the Hi-Lo system of counting cards was a sham and didn’t work. Millions and millions of dollars have been won by blackjack players and teams using Hi-Lo, but he ignores that fact. Oh well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him double down. I have dubbed this misguided person “Jess Bravado.”
Jess Bravado, why don't you come to your senses
You’ve stacked up these offenses, for so long now
Oh, you've a hard head
We don't know, what are your reasons?
These things that we scream at you
Could hurt you, and how!

Did you skew the math of blackjack, boy?
You can't win with a fable
You know the queen of hearts is always minus one 1

Now it seems to me some odd things
Were seen on your black-jack table
And we haven't learned a thing when you're done

Jess Bravado, oh you are getting annoying
I hope you're enjoying, the beatings you take
And winning, oh winning, well, that's just your ego talking
Your amateur squawking shows that you're just a fake

Do you think you're great when you feed us lines?
You side count eights and you side count nines 2
It's hard to tell the truth from all the junk
You say that Hi-Lo just can't win
Ain't it funny how your math has been, debunked

Jess Bravado, why don't you come to your senses
Let's stop the pretenses, close your debate
It may be painful, but now it's high time to quit it
You better wake up soon and get it
(wake up soon and get it)
You better wake up soon and get it
Or score a cruel fate

1. Face cards are counted as minus one point with Hi-Lo.

2. Some players will keep a side count of certain cards, usually just aces. There is little value in side counting 8s or 9s.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
You still gamble on these parodies, and they ALWAYS come up winners!
Guy - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
J♦ Q♣ - oops that a pinnacle - Meant to say A♣ J♣ 21 - It's time for Bravado to face the cards and get his ace in gear. Fine write. 5♥ 5♦ 5♣
MadameDeTokeVille - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I love this tune most of all by Linda Ronstadt . . . I recall moments with CowboyDave . . .
Fiddlegirl - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Ante sweet? :) And funny!
metaphorsbwithu - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Aces and eights? You're no Wild Bill so I deal you three fives.
Tommy Turtle - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Very fine way of reworking OS to your particular theme. Still DK why you don't use that math head at hold'em as well -- you'd clean up. I'm dealin' you an Ace and a Four. You wanna stand on that, or you want me to hit you? (hint: that's a much better hand here than at 21 lol)
blackjack21 - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment

Mark: Can always count on you for a winning comment, thanks!

Guy: Like the way you deal the cards, thanks for v/c.

MadameDTV: Eh, whatever mends your fences. ;-)

Fiddlegirl: Love the way you comment, hehe. But no antes in blackjack. They do allow uncles on occasion. ;-D

meta4: Another good dealer, thanks for the trip fives.

TT: I play some hold 'em with friends, just low stakes. I'm more of a five card draw guy and do play a bit of video poker when I'm in Vegas. Ace four, eh? That has potential, but I need to see your up card before I can play my hand. ;-)
Christie Marie M - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I love BlackJack! When I go to casinos, I always have to remind myself that it's not computer game BlackJack, so I have to be careful! Jess Bravado is soooo naive! Better yet, he's getting too cocky for his own good, but ends up losing! Never tried Hi-Lo method. Like Tommy, I'm dealing an Ace and a Four! Wanna hit, stand, double down? Me and my friend would play Blackjack on the phone sometimes, for fun! We just make it up as we go along. Anyways, you just won a hand $555 for this one!
Dealer - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
It doesn't get any better, Dude! (I'm virtually certain you know this, but just in case, sometimes here, in context, peeps will say "15" or something to that effect, as a way of saying 555. -- a la CMM.) You can't improve on that :D
AFW - September 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Good name, Jess Bravado...and very good tale..
blackjack21 - September 05, 2009 - Report this comment

Christie: I love blackjack too! ;-) Thanks for v/c and the big bucks!

Dealer: OK, if you aren't going to let me play blackjack here, I'll stand on my perfect 15. :D

AFWon: Thanks, he also has a brother named Les. ;-)

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