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Song Parodies -> "Oat Cell Carcinoma"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Oat Cell Carcinoma"

Parody Written by:

Leo Keough

The Lyrics

Read along to the OS
On a dark wretched Friday
Tooled in for some care
Long spell of bronchitis
Causing me to be scared
Sputum red with persistence
I viewed the symptoms in fright
My breath was wheezy and the signs were grim
I had to stop for a light

Wearing scrubs, they explored me
I heard them wish me well
With high-tech thingy's I was delved
They stood bewildered and just couldn't tell
Then they switched on a panel
Had me glowing with rays
There were noises and a horrid roar
My doc emerged to say

"Well, chum, you've got oat cell carcinoma
What an ugly case, (what an ugly case) - such an ugly waste
Plenty of gloom with the oat cell carcinoma
And your time is near, (and your time is near) - anytime, we fear"

My mind knew whiffing was risky
So thought my persuasive friends
They plotted lots of pretty shifty ploys
'Bleep' all them
How I danced with the hazard
Sweet cigarettes
Some cancers dismember
Some lead to your death

So I called for the chaplain
"Please bring me my lights"
He said, "We haven't let that curse in here
Since nineteen patients died"
And still my choices appalling were dark and gray
Waking up to go piddle in the night
I could hear him say

"Hell, son, you've got oat cell carcinoma
What a plunge to face, (what a plunge to face) - need a lung replaced
You're givin' it up with the oat cell carcinoma
And your vice despised, (and your vice despised) has metastasized"

Fear and disbelieving
My shrink complained in spite, and he said
"We are all just visitors here
All go home each night"
And in a last ditch effort
They lathered and degreased
They jabbed me with their sterile spikes
But I just can't get released

Last week of December, I was veg'ing in the ward
I had a mind to pull the plug and to face my Holy Lord
"Alas," said the night nurse, "We have orders to revive
You can pass out anytime you like... but you can never die"

(Guitar Solo Until End)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

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Dr. Oliver Clozoff - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow. Your word replacements are incredible, this rhymed almost line for line with the original. Well done, sir!
Timmy1000 - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Not only rhyme and pacing match, but ending follows the OS ending as well. Well written, Leo.
AFW - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Fine job at dark humor...sobering tale...indeed
John Barry - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Title o' the day and a well-crafted effort.
Andy Primus - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent subbing all the way through
Mark Scotti - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
A CLASSIC epic, done in your usual CLASSIC style! $555 donation for a cure.
TJC - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Really excellent job, loaded with so much niche medical slang n' inclusions that reading it I felt myself hoping this was *not* autobiographical!
alvin - August 17, 2009 - Report this comment
title switch of the day
blackjack21 - August 18, 2009 - Report this comment
It doesn't get any better than that, great work. Outstanding pacing and subs!
Guy - August 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Leo - You have that knack for brilliant syllable matching. This one kept me entertained all the way through. I didn't need to listen to the OS as I know this Eagles song all too well and it flowed flawlessly. Absolutely astounding performance. This is Am I Write! TMGLTM but esp liked:

So I called for the chaplain
"Please bring me my lights"
He said, "We haven't let that curse in here
Since nineteen patients died"

I know what carcinoma is but what the hell is the "Oat Cell" type? Is this for real or just something to bang against "hotel"? Doesn't matter - it works and that is where the bang for the buck is at.

Sound of hospital PA system:

Code 5 - oncology - proceed to room 55 stat!
Leo Keough - August 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks all!!!
TJC: No, fortunately for me, this is not autobiographical.
Guy: Oat Cell Carcinoma really is a form of lung cancer. I noticed it several years back while trying find something else in the index of The Merck Manual. It stuck with me, because it seemed like such an odd thing to name a medical condition. If you want to learn more, there are some Wikipedia articles that describe it.
DJ Blaze - August 22, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5O) It takes a genius to make something like this funny, and you did it. 555
Agrimorfee - August 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Who knew cancer could be funny? I mean, the whole story really isn't funny, but the pretty-near-perfect syllable and sub rhyming was absolutely top notch.
Mark Scotti - August 28, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5O) Absoluely one of my favs!!
Matthias - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment
I thought it was the swine flu!!!
Melanie Lee - September 03, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Hate the OS; love your parody! Well-crafted, well-paced, well-subbed. Poignant and thought-provoking. And yes, I looked up the term oat cell carcinoma, and it exists! 555 days to live.
bobpiecheese - September 03, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) Brilliant parody here, Leo. Maybe not gut-bustingly funny (what with the cancer and everything) but very well-written. Kudos for using a not-well-known form of cancer. 555!
Below Average Dave - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
You really changed up the rhyming in the beginning, that threw me off a bit because the OS is one of those that you just kinda know by heart--it'd stretch it bit odd as written during singing, maybe it's just me. I don't know, this one was alright, though I have to be honest and say I didn't get much of a laugh out of it, sorry Leo.
Red Ant - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Cancer is no laughing matter... well, okay sometimes it is. Great write on a tricky subject.
Leo Keough - September 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the ABC5 votes and helpful comments!!!

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