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Song Parodies -> "Tim Hortons Manitoba"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Tim Hortons Manitoba"

Parody Written by:

Dr. Oliver Clozoff

The Lyrics

On an ice covered byway, arctic snow in the air
Swerved right past a bull moose, and a big polar bear
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a bright neon light
My stomach empty, save for six Labatt's
I thought I'd stop for a bite
There she's sweeping the floor clean
I heard the drive-through bell
And I was thinking to myself,
Some fresh hot Timbits would go down real well
Then she dropped the broom handle, and put the dustpan away
She trundled to the cash register,
And then said, Good day, eh?...

Welcome to Tim Hortons Manitoba
Such a lovely place
To come stuff your face
Plenty of food at Tim Hortons Manitoba
It's the north frontier - so wear your winter gear

Her face is all hockey gap-toothed, she got a toque on her hair
She got a nice dark brown uniform, and twenty pieces of flair
How she smells like burnt coffee, and pungent ass sweat
Tried to ask 'bout the menu, but couldn't grok her accent

So I called up the manager,
what's this stuff called poutine?
He said, we haven't had a yank in here since, f**k, I don't know when
And still the drive-through bell's dinging from across the way
He motions Tim-Tart to go answer it
And I hear her say...

Welcome to Tim Hortons Manitoba
Such a lovely place
To come stuff your face
What would you like from Tim Hortons Manitoba?
Sōrry for th' delay-- take your order, eh?

Menu's got unique things
Like these cheese curds on fries
And he said, we're not a corporate store here, we're our own franchise
And at the manager's urging
I get fries with curd cheese
I stab them with my plastic fork
But they just slide in the grease

Next thing I remember, I was
Puking on the floor
I've had it with dumbass Canucks
Now I'm headed for the door
Relax, said the manager,
It's snowed six more feet this eve
You will have to wait until Spring thaw
Then maybe you can leave
Copyright (C) 2009 by The Parody Files.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   5

User Comments

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Stooge - July 21, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm a Canadian so I know Tim's well. This was very funny.
alvin - July 21, 2009 - Report this comment
nice transplant...well paced and rhymed
Fiddlegirl - July 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Clever idea, that.
Old Man Ribber - July 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Great stuff aboot the hoose, eh! :)
Michel Pachaulec - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
He shoots, he scores! If you don't mind the Gallicization of my name. I know this was set in Manitoba, not Quebec. In fact, you may have given me an idea: "Quebec" almost rhymes with "Wreck"...

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