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Song Parodies -> "Dealer Who Came From Hell"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Dealer Who Came From Hell"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Dealer Who Came From Hell

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of a buffet, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw the shimmering lights
My pockets heavy and my senses keen
It’s time to play for the night
There she stood at the table
Inside the Grand Hotel
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she dealt out the first hand, and we started to play
There were voices that I’d heard before
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the dealer who came from Hell
Such a lovely place
Such an ugly face
You’ll never win with the dealer who came from Hell
Any time of year, you can find her here

You never know when you sit down, ‘bout the cards in the shoe
You get a lot of pretty, pretty hands, but you still get screwed
She just keeps on winning, with whatever she gets
Some hands you remember, some hands you forget

So I called up the pit boss,
Please give me a comp?
He said, "We can't give you anything here.” Then away did he stomp
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the dealer who came from Hell
Such a lovely place
Such an ugly face
You’ll never win with the dealer who came from Hell
What a sad surprise, bring your alibis

She kept right on dealing
Her card up was a six
And she said "Well, perhaps your bad luck has changed.
I have no more tricks"
Then I took out my last chips
Doubled down on my bet
Then looked into her steely eyes
Wondering what I would get

Last thing I remember, I thought
I'm gonna stay alive
The dealer had a hard sixteen
But then she turned up a five!
"Relax," said the floorman
“We are programmed to deceive.
You can cash out any time you like
but you can never leave"

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Patrick - June 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Vegas wasn't built on gamblers winning. An addiction I never had. I'll stick with chocolate. Fits with the morbid tone of the original song quite well.
MrMacphisto - June 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Very descriptive... :)

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