In a dark smoky bar room, ugly women in there
they only start to look decent, when Ive had my fair share
Up ahead in the distance, I saw the exit light
I head to my Chevy and I threw up some Jim
I had quite a night
There a pig stood in my pathway
I heard his siren wail
And I was thinking to myself
This could be a drug bust or this could be hell
Then while cuffed up and handled I was lead away
There were voices on the radio
I thought I heard them say

He's wanted in half of California
Such a human waste
With a F*cked up face
Runs plenty of drugs at a hotel in Tijuana
Any time of year, you can find him there

Her mind is like Paris Hilton, she wants a Mercedes-Benz
She has a sweet sugar daddy, who she calls Hef
Have a wedding in a courtyard, soon he'll regret
Some event in December, don't you forget
So she called up the planner
"This is not my design"
He said we haven't had that print in here since 1999
And still those demonic voices are close at bay
Shake you up in the middle of the night
just to hear them say

Welcome to your future Bride-zilla
So out of place
with her contorted face
She's yelling a lot at the Hotel check in office
What a nice surprise, two twin beds inside.

Camera's on the ceiling,
The blue Viagra on sight
And she said ’we are all porno people in here, pick a device’
And like Marilyn Chambers,
she got naked and showed her tits
she slabbed it with some stinky cream,
But she just can’t kill the yeast

Last thing to remember as your
picking a door
you can't get the package back
that was offered just before
Relax said the host man
you have yet to receive
a donkey or a chicken
behind door number three!