Malcolm Higgins seems to know the mystery
How to make 'em laugh with just a song
Two thousand songs, and he'll go down in history
He's the big man on campus, but not for long

I bet being at the top gets boring
I guess every dog (or human) has his day
Like the eagle on a clear day, he is soaring
Little does he know a storm is on the way

So I tell him he must graciously step aside
'Cause there's a brand new sheriff in this town
And I know that he knows way down deep inside
He is headed for some trouble, he's goin' down

Chorus:
You can't hide your cryin' eyes
Your poor songs will be your demise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your cryin' eyes

Somewhere in San Francisco, Malcolm is writing
A parody he thinks no Mike could pass
But I've had tougher feuds in pillow fighting
Malcolm, I'm afraid I'll have to kick your ass

He's hoping that this Mike won't last forever
He's wishing that it's only for awhile
He swears that soon he'll be writin' songs more clever
But by then, he'll be too old and senile

[ Chorus ]

He gets up and screams, he's quite the stressed one
He wonders what it takes to beat this guy
Another song, it's gonna be his best one...
It gets poor ratings, so he starts to cry

Hey, Malcolm, how's it feel to be outdone
Beaten at your own game, that's quite a switch
Go ahead, write your songs, but remember this, son:
For this day on, you're just second rate, bit*h

My, oh my, you sure write the most deranged things
You have written so much, it's scarin' me
But it's funny how all these songs didn't change things
You're still the same nobody you'll always be

[ Chorus ]

There ain't no way to hide your cryin' eyes
Malcolm, you can't hide your cryin' eyes