Such a feelin's comin' over me
It's an understatement to say I'm gassy
Got a cramp in my side, with my bowels occupied
By a-- bout ten pounds more than there should be

Everything I must get out of me
Is now comin' through, the size of a small tree
But the hole in my rear isn't large enough, I fear
And the smell's long overcome the potpourri

I'm on the top of this turd, pushin' out my creation
After days of constipation, now behind
Now this monster has crowned and I'll soon push it outbound
And I'm sittin' on the top of this turd

Somethin' in the wind has learned my pain
And the smell is slowly driving me insane
Well I norm'lly don't care, 'bout my own dairy air
But this eau de poo is gonna melt my brain

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that my behind
Will tomorrow not bleed, but to normal size recede
And I'm back to some regularity

I'm on the top of this turd, lookin' at my creation
And this record defacation blows my mind
It's so big and so brown, flushed three times, it won't go down
Now the water's at the top of the bowl