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Song Parodies -> "Number Two"

Original Song Title:

"Close To You"

Original Performer:

The Carpenters

Parody Song Title:

"Number Two"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

When do birds
Suddenly appear
When the sky’s blue and clear?
My car’s clean
They want to bring
Number two.

In my car
I go for a ride
They don’t miss, a bullseye
Full they be
They want release
Number two.

When I washed and waxed my Ford
Some robins got together
And alighted to a branch within my view

Then they launched their wings into the air
The goal of dropping packages of poo

They will find
All the bugs in town
Swallow them, fly around
Cars they seek
Missiles of stink
Number two

On the day they soiled the Ford
I got my wits together
And derided all the things that birds will do

So I stomped away on up the stair
And found a way to bid the birds adieu

Now that’s why
When you’re here in town
See the birds falling down
When near me
Buckshot will be
Number two.
More tales of unwarranted dive bombing are available at the Blogging Baker.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm guano give this a top score! ;D
AFW - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Nothin' is worse than birdie poo on a new shiny car...funny stuff, Warren...forgive me for a shameless plug, but I scratched this out a few years back, check it out, here,
Guy - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Warren - This is really falcon good. I like the use of the word derided.

We are gardening in the back yard and between the bats at night, some birds during the day and the bushy tailed rodents they have been having a field day at our expense and we have finally had it. My son bought a replicated owl that looks completely real. Since the owl has gone up nothing but the occasional insect happens by and we have stuff to control them as well. I need another one in my driveway for the doves that sit in my giant crate myrtle. It is now in full bloom and looks awesome. I don't want to put the owl into the tree because the doves have nests there and I don't want this to cause the demise of their young. I will wait until fall when the breeding season is finished.

Great parody. Guy @ Farce, you are so gracious to share the spot light with Warren, unlike some who I have seen flame over this sort of thing. It happens to me a lot and I have done it inadvertantly to othres so I usually react like you. I either don't say anything or I poke a gentle nudge their way. I'll have to look yours up. I'm sure it is just a s good as this one.

Like the old time photographers used to say "Watch the birdie".
Mark Scotti - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Here's five in your eye! LOL!!!! That one made my day. Really funny.
Bilbopooh - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Oh, the frustration from those inconsiderate pigeons! A friend of mine once got it right on his head. Thankfully the car is as close as it's come for me... Very funny stuff!
2Eagle(sic) - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Good use of an old favorite. There was a song I heard on Dr. Demento called White Dots. It's about that same subject. Robins are lovely but they do make a mess.
WarrenB - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I read this to my wife, and she smirked mightily. I knew I had to post it!
OMR- Thanks for the fertilizer!
AFW- For a moment I wondered "Who parodies Anne Murray, that lovely Canadian babe?" Now I know! Thanks for link (you'll get comments soon), and I appreciate the feedback.
Guy- The owl sounds much more humane than a shotgun...kudos to your son! Actually, I don't like guns, or killing birds, or like the Carpenters. But I do think Karen had a phenom voice. I wish she were around to sing this. I'd buy the album!
Mark- glad it made your day, and thanks for the v/c!
Bilbopooh- I'm glad that's 'pooh' with an 'h'! I've gotten bombed once on the shoulder, never the head. Ewww. Thanks for the v/c (if you haven't picked it up yet, the 'v' stands for 'votes' and the 'c' stands for 'comments'.
2Eagle- Thanks for the v/c. But if your 2 eagles every come near my Honday Civic, I'll have to set out Guy's owl out to scare you away!
Pooh bears crap in the woods? - July 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I think that the idea of dropping bombs from air craft was inspired by someone who observed birds dropping their loads in mid flight. Fine parody!
WarrenB - July 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks PBCITW. And where did the air craft come from? Aircraft carrier pigeons.
John Barry - July 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Great double (i.e. number 2) entendre!
WarrenB - July 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Thank you, Mr. Barry. Glad you had some pun with it!
Peregrin - July 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Found this via the random feature, Warren. This parody was laced with crap, hence why i gave it 5s :)

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