Elevator operator: Which floor, sir?
Me: Ballroom, please.
Lady in elevator: Sorry. Was I was crowding you?

Oh, it's been getting so tight
Wearing all the new style pants today, whoo-ha
Oh, my parts are getting so crushed
The 'nads have never been so in the way
Ow, I've tried to push them both back
As a matter of fact they get as red as the sun
And I walk somewhat gimpy, I get pain when I'm limpy
And the girls think I'm not much fun

Oh, yeah the pain is like lightening
Every move causes tightening
And my tunic ain't stretching
I'm about to start retching

Yow! Yow! Yow! Yow! Yow!
I didn't want my pair dead
I stood on a chair and I had to holler "Ballroom, please!"
And a girl in the corner said
Keep 'em on I warn ya, even if you need some "ballroom please"
"Ballroom, please!" "Ballroom, please!" "Ballroom, please!"

I'm feeling something numbing
As the pain goes from my tools
And I realize it's over
And it's severe there's nothing left of jewels, wha-ha
Now a rip in the back
Is showing my crack as the blood starts a-flowing back in
And the girl is a-calling 9-1-1 as I'm falling
Out in front and revealing too much skin

Though it wasn't real erotic
This chick was a psychotic
And the cop did arrest me
Just because I freed my testes

Yow! Yow! Yow! Yow! Yow!
I didn't want a "swell" friend
I stood in my cell and I had to holler "Ballroom, please!"
And a guy in the corner said
Keep away I warn ya, even if you need some "Ballroom please"
"Ballroom, please!" "Ballroom, please!" "Ballroom, please!"