cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
i've been drinkin' half the day
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
i know i'm good and high

i'm wondering where i am (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
it seems i'm drunk again (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
a twelve pack of tall cans (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
i am a mumblin' man
its not a secret...i've been slidin'...startin' to spin
the room is humid...my gut is boilin'...my brain kinda dim
so if you see me actin' strangely...don't be surprised
i'm just a man who wishes someone would offer to drive
to keep me alive...just keep me alive
won't you please drive and keep me alive

i'd be a peril with car in motion...i might hit a tree
so could you help me with my problem ?...i'm hammered, you see
a drunken zero with strange behavior...a test i would blow
i'm just a man who drained some glasses...went beyond my control
beyond my control...my car, i could roll
i lack control...these drinks took their toll

i am a messed up man (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
who's sampled from a flask (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
i'm smashed as i can be (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
i lack sobriety

cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto...oh no...oh no
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto...oh no...oh no
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto
guess i drank too much...can't drive my auto
(cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto)
i'm lookin' for help but nobody wants to
(cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto)
i just ain't got the touch...can't drive my auto
(cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto)
i might get in a scrape...might hit a car or two
(cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto)
can you ?...can you ?..can you ?
(cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto)
i want to ask you, please..can you ?
(cannot drive my auto, cause i'm so blotto)...OHHHHHH

the problem's plain to see...i'm snockered as can be
please drive and save my life...too late to call my wife

last call has come at last (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
the time to drink is past (stinkin' stinkin', i've gotten stinkin')
so won't you please help me...you say that you're not free
you killjoy...killjoy...killjoy...killjoy