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Song Parodies -> "Escape (The Spanish Armada Song)"

Original Song Title:

"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"

Original Performer:

Rupert Holmes

Parody Song Title:

"Escape (The Spanish Armada Song)"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The original song is one of the most "awesomely bad" (as VH1 would put it) songs of all time. This might not be "Hello Philip, Nice Armada," but I think it'll work.
(instrumental opening)

I was called by my lady.
England's glorious Queen.
Elizabeth said, "I need you
to fight that navy so mean."
I said, "Your Majesty, I shall
fight those Russians we hate."
She said, "I'm not Liz the Second.
This is 1588."

"And we hate Spanish Armada.
Let's get them caught in the rain.
They got sent out by King Philip.
They only have half a brain.
We'll fire on them 'til midnight
in the Channel, by the cape.
We'll be Spaniards' worst nightmare.
And they'll never escape."

(instrumental break)

'Twas the order of my lady:
"Drive them all from the scene."
Because King Philip is shady.
Married Mary, her late sister, so mean.
Allied another Mary, cousin.
Scotland's throne, that she had.
She's now out of the picture.
But Spain's still acting so bad.

I'll fight the Spanish Armada.
I'll get them caught in the rain.
With Francis Drake as our admiral.
We might be drinking champagne.
We've got to fight them at tomorrow noon.
We'll leave their mouths all agape.
With our fireships blazing
they will never escape.

(instrumental break)

So we sailed out with high hopes
and we ruled o'er the place.
We fired each one of our cannons.
The Spanish lost, a disgrace.
I went back up to my lady.
She said, "For this, I knight you.
Dub thee Sir Michael of Brunswick."
I said, "My Queen, yes, I knew..."

"We could beat Spanish Armada.
Could get them caught in the rain.
I guess that arrogant Philip
he was far-gone insane.
For his empire's struck midnight
and there'll be shrinking of its shape.
Now can I have me a land-grant?
Virginia will be my escape!"

(instrumental fadeout)
It had to be Virginia. New Jersey hadn't been discovered by Europeans yet.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 29

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   4
 4   5
 5   18

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dylan Baranski - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Arrrr...a seafarin' good parody you got there, matey. 555 warships for you.
TJC - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Historical parodical novellas! ... this one has the `Fitz` green with mal-de-mar envy!
Surprised - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I thought for sure you would have a parody celebrating the death of Jerry Falwell...or you still working on it?
alvin - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
i love the way you combine history and humor
Burnbra Bush - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Very entertaining and educational! Surprised, it's pretty twisted of you to come up with the idea of writing a parody to "celebrate" a moral leader's death. How does that even remotely relate to this parody? Disgusting sicko.
stuart mcarthur - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
wonderful stuff from the title on through, MP - 555 (Pina Colada/Spanish Armada - LOL!)
McKludge - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Now all we need are some parodies around the Battle of Hastings and the 100 Years War. Excellent work, Michael.
John Jenkins - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Well done, Sir Michael. Thanks for the recognition, and I agree that this works quite effectively, particularly the way you worked in the year.
Kristof Robertson - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Great stuff, Stu said, from the title down this was cleverly thought out, then doused with humour and smart writing. 555
Michael Pacholek - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Thank you, everyone. About time I parodied this piece of garbage song. Surprised: It would have been a tough balancing act between making my points and not being tasteless. The people already politically opposed to me would've gone absolutely ape, and those who agreed with me wouldn't have worked up the energy to vote well on it even if they did like it. So it wasn't worth it. Burnbra: You're right that Falwell death should not have been "celebrated," but to say he was a moral leader is completely ridiculous. He was an incredibly immoral man who twisted religion for his own purposes, and we will be dealing with the consequences of his actions long after George W. Bush has slunk out of the White House and headed back to Crawford for the last time. McKludge: Not sure about the Hundred Years' War -- maybe someone's done a Joan of Arc parody, but I don't think so -- but there are at least two Hastings parodies on the site. There's my own "1066" and the aforementioned Mr. Jenkins' "The Not-So-Majestic King Harold." You'll love 'em, as I did.

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