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Song Parodies -> "War Junkie"

Original Song Title:

"Starfucker"

Original Performer:

Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"War Junkie"

Parody Written by:

I Got Stoned 2X at Ohio State University!

The Lyrics

The original title is 'STARFUCKER' sometimes written on albums as 'STAR STAR'. It came out in 1973 and Joan Jett covered it 1983. Her version is a lot louder due to her higher feminine pitch (no sexism implied here) and the fact that Joan Jett IS loud. After all, she don't give a damn about her Bad Reputation. I used to have a cassette with her version on it, back in 1983 it caused a COMMOTION. First of all, the Stones used the term 'starfucker' repeatedly, up to about 40 times. Joan Jett's version goes up to nearly 80! What is a starfucker? The term means more than a groupie because a 'STAR' is anybody who is important, famous or notorious. For instance, Courtney Love, Jerry Hall, Katie Holmes, Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinski, Stormy Daniels, are all (in)famous starfuckers. But starfuckers are also people who kowtow to follow anyone with authority, a commanding presence, who has a personality cult, who is a charlatan. They believe what they're spoon-fed, they fall for the lies, they are yes-men and yes-women. By that regards, the word has no sexual connotations (it could) yet it just means that they are simple FOOLS. IOW, suckers. The original song is very catchy, but the lyrical content is VERY raunchy, rancid, gross and sickening. Enough to make you wanna upchuck. In this parody I wrote about something just as rotten and nauseating, it's about all these 'armchair warriors' who LOVE to watch wars on TV and think it's all a drama to see. The 1991 Gulf War, the Afghan War and the Iraq War were broadcast on TV and radio 24/7 and all the dumbskulls who never served in the military who are mesmerized by the 'drama' and the love of violence (they love the violence on TV news and such as well) and they 'rah-rah' like cheerleaders, wave a pom-pom or a beer with one hand with the other hand playing pocket pool. It's just 'Yippy-yi-yay, motherfuckers!' to them. These jackasses just cheer the jet fighter planes - 'Yeeeaaahh, kick some (insert enemy here) asssss!!!' or 'Nuke 'em!' or some other idiotic shit. Some other wars like the 1994 Haiti invasion are simply 'cleaned up' on TV, made to look like the Marines are having a cakewalk. No matter, whatever war it is, with these jingoistic STARFUCKERS and the sensationalists who turn it into a dollar bill, it's the SAME OLD SHIT. And as a veteran of the late Cold War and the 1986 Libya war (it was dubbed a 'war on terror', familiar?), I find these attitudes to be extremely disgusting, immature and offensive. Sometimes a war may be necessary but only as a last resort. It's not a game. The original song's lyrical content is grossly disgusting, but I rewrote it concerning a theme just as ugly. I also cleaned up the language as much as I could here. There is no need to use a dirty word like 'STARFUCKER' so many times like that in a song. And the same goes to Limp Bizkit and Insane Clown Posse.
(* ELECTRIC GUITAR, CHUCK BERRY-ISH RIFF *)
(* MICK JAGGER SINGS HIS SNARLING VOCALS *)

Aw poor baby, you've been so sad since our forces
Pulled out of Afghanistan
What you do watch now?
Oh man, you miss those airstrike fireworks
Drama of hate and war
If they ever find us a new enemy
It's gonna make you cheer all night

Childish cretin, it's all a Disney drama
I know you have watched too much Hollywood
With your remote control
You think wars are football games
For you it's entertainment
Talking heads are movie stars
Get their tongues flapping like flags

Yeah! You a starfucker, draft dodger, cheerleader, warmonger geek
Yeah, a chickenhawk, butt-kisser, dong-slapper, S.M.F., nerd
A flag-waving, Pavlov dog, tube watching, Ted Nugent jerk

Yeah, you think they are gladiators
But that's what I call obscene
You think tor-ture is kind a cute
Censorship keeps our conflicts clean
Oh man, you miss those airstrike fireworks
Think it's the Fourth of July
If they ever find us a new enemy
It's gonna make you cheer all night

Yeah! You an ill-mannered, immature, obsessive, gullible fool
Yeah, a fanatic, obnoxious, obstinate, uncultured, brat
A name-dropper, bullshitter, big bragger, Big Dummy chump
Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are!

(* GUITAR SOLO *)

You never did serve a single day
In the U.S.military
So what gives you the right to pass judgement?
You stare at the silver screen
You're a sheep, ain't open to nothing
You believe the lies they tell you
You can't tell fact from the fiction
John Wayne was an actor

Yeah! You a trend-chaser, blubbering, sadistic, jingoist, clod, whoooo! (Yeaaaaahhhhh!!!!!)
Yeah, a chauvinist, unmanly, dumb pissant, off-color, rube
A Jew-basher, xenophobe, homophobe, Islamphobe, boob
Yes, you are!

Arabphobe, Francophobe, Asiaphobe, Afrophobe, scum ahhhh yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hatemonger, meatbeater, couch wetter, Lee Greenwood fan (Ahhhh,Yeaaaaahhhhh!!!!! YEAH!!!)
Yeah, race-baiter, race-basher, Big Sasser, No Class-er, puke, whooooooo!

Yeah, a non-thinking, beer drinking, trash talking, dunderhead
Fake cowboy, stupid-ass, pretending, tube junkie, spank-monkey
Empty gaze, in a haze, ignorant, mesmorized, simpleton (Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!!)
Yes, you are, yes you are!

Oh, yeah, ooh
Oww
Go suck an egg
Whoo, shed your skin
Eat my shit
(* Armchair warriors, join up or shut up. Otherwise, piss off and die! *)

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