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Song Parodies -> "Thrilling Me Hard-ly With Her Thong"

Original Song Title:

"Killing Me Softly With His Song"

Original Performer:

Roberta Flack

Parody Song Title:

"Thrilling Me Hard-ly With Her Thong"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Added a couple of extra verses 'cuz was havin' fun, OK? So don' gimme any Flack about it! :-) OS lyrics here. YouTube video here.

Bummer: my Jane ain't a swinger
Swinging, my wife thinks absurd
Willingly boff me: not for long
Chilling me oftly: "headache, strong"
Quelling my hole life; for the birds!
Drilling? She scoffed; she: "Run along!"


I heard she had a cute thong
Also, a pretty smile
And so I went to strip club
To lap-dance for a while
And there she stood, this young girl
Disrobing 'fore my eyes

Brushing my face with her fingers
Rubbing my schlong: that occurred
Thrilling me hard-ly with her thong
Thrilling me; hard, geez, pointed prong!
Dwelling no more: wife, what a nerd!
Swilling a costly ... drink, not strong

I felt flushed 'round my collar
Her bare-assed lovely pair
Reached for another dollar
To stuff it way down there!
I prayed she'd let me "finish"
But she'd quickly withdrawn

Marriage is bain; they're all clingers
Get you for life; break their words
Grilling you; bossing, same old song
Killing you slowly all life long
Telling you whole lies, till vow heard
Billing divorce-ly, money gone...

She danced as if to scr*w me
Recall my stark despair!
And then turned her back to me
And waved her derriére
Her hips just kept on swinging
Wringing, here, my schlong

Plumbing her drain with my fingers
Snaking the pipe of this bird
Billing me costly with her thong
Thrilling, it cost me: rang my gong
Telling of home life, anger stirred
Bills, I did cough up, fever strong

[interlude: drinking; dancing, music; i. e., wine, women, and song. Why is there anything else?]

oooooo....ah, ah, ah, ....ooooooooooo... oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Strumming, sustain on my zinger
Stinging was rife, lust was spurred
Thrilling me softly, hit from bong
Willy was waving at the throng
Dancer to dull wife, I preferred
Sniffing a sweet whiff of her thong

She danced so close up to me
In all her beauty bare
And then she said she'd do me
For just a C-note pair
And she just kept on swinging
Swinging hips so strong

Coming like rain, made it linger
Flinging my wife to the birds
Filling her coffers from my dong
Willingly doffed she, little thong
Selling my soul, wife; morals blurred
Spilling seed softly, went along

She was humming my vein
Yeah, mem'ry shrinking: my wife
Killing my notions: right from wrong
Certain no more where ... I belong
Smelling: breath; speaking somewhat slurred
Thrilling me loft'ly
All night long

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

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PMS - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Fabulouth thong-writing here
Timmy1000 - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Sounds like this cost you a bunch of "hard" cash - here are some 5's.
Mark Scotti - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
It was a very enthonging read, TT! 5 teathers...
alvin - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
nicely rhymed
Andy Primus - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Very funny & with loads of great lines (as usual)
unKnownVO - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
" Stay thirsty, hombre " . . . . oh, that voice . . . how it tickles my ears . . . Oh Dave, I miss you so, . . . May the gods go with you, Cowboy.
AFW - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
You're riding the crest with the breast and the nest...tricky wording and phrasing..
Tommy Turtle - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
PMEth: TT thankth you tho much!
Timmy1000 (lol): Thanks -- and this is the ONLY time at this site that I'm gonna change Fives for Ones lol!
Mark Thonggi: I do believe you've added both a new verb ("enthong") and a new adjectival participle ("enthonging") to the language! Quite the cunning linguist, you are ... thanks for v/c/p (participle).
alvin: gratitude for your attitude
Andy Primus: Thanks ... waiting until I have time to savor your undoubted masterpiece tonight!
UnKnownVO: Uh, OK, thanks ... (is there an UKVO - English dictionary on line?)
AFW: And you're doing the same with the comments lately! Thanks, and very wittily said.
Jerry Holmes (I'm da brains in da family) - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Fantastically poetic throughout... highly consistent with TMGL, but favorite couplet:
Strumming, sustain on my zinger
Stinging was rife, lust was spurred
and to riff off PMS --
Ya thung a thong of thick pants
A pocket full of wry!
John Barry - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
You didn't go slack on Flack.
TT - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Jerry Holmes: Thank you, Sir -- you must be the Small Head, since, contrary to otherwise-universal anatomy, for your brother John, the lower head is the Large one. ... didja ask permission from PMS before ya started riffin' all over her? lol thanks JH.
John Barry, thank right back.
Leo Keough - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - May 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Leo Keough, thanks!!!
Peter Andersson - February 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Your ability to come up with altering choruses for this one is simply amazing!
Tommy Turtle - February 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Peter Andersson: What a pleasant surprise, on a thong -- I mean, song -- almost three years old!

Thanks for the vote and kind comment... uh, did this by any chance have any connection to a recent discussion with Cml and others about varying parody lines vs. OS -- and checking one's Latest Comments? No matter -- thanks again!
Peter Andersson - February 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Nothing whatsoever, but judging from your comment on my parody of the same song that is up on the front page now today you've already figured that out yourself, I can only add that I needed a reliable sourse for the OS's original decade and that that also resulted in me leaving a vote and comment on this one here.
Peter Andersson - February 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Ooops, I did it again... it's source with a c, right?
Tommy Turtle - February 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Peter Andersson: Any reason that brings a visit and such a nice v/c is fine with me! And with a comment like that, not to mention being regarded as a "reliable source" (TUVM), who cares about spelling? (I *might* care about Tori, at least for a night, LOL. )
Lifeliver - February 03, 2013 - Report this comment
You killed me with your schlong and not softly either. So much field research! A truly dedicated parodist. Whoopee. 555
Tommy Turtle - February 03, 2013 - Report this comment
Lifeliver: Research is often the "hardest" part of writing, and it certainly was in this case. Yes, research is a dirty, rotten job, but a dedicated writer has to do her -- I men, "it". Thanks for shtupping by.

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