Ollie Stone got out on bail
DUI but not in jail
Michael Jackson went on trial
Said he's weird and in denial
Paris Hilton's getting married
"House of Wax" is really scary
Michael Moore is rather weighty
New Corvette'll do 180
"Team America" is funny
Made the "South Park" guys some money
Third and final episode
Of "Star Wars", FX overload
Scooby-Doo no longer groovy
Batman has another movie
Boston won the World Series
Yankees fans were getting teary
Gray Davis and Schwarzenegger
Would you stop and help a beggar

Life is a rock but the media rolled me
Gonna rain hard on Friday
The Weather Channel told me
Life is a rock but the media rolled me
Like the Rolling Stones, it's never getting moldy

XM Radio is playing
Every month you keep on paying
GM's stock went down the tubes
Oil change at Jiffy Lube
Coca-Cola now in Lime
Matching Pepsi just in time
Britney Spears is getting pregnant
Market's anything but stagnant
Hollywood just keeps on trucking
And their films just keep on sucking
High-speed internet ain't free
and TiVo pauses live TV
The Middle East is full of hate
and people gawk at Christo's "Gates"
A Bose suspension for your car
That jumps a horizontal spar
Duracell and EveReady
Energizer going steady

Life is a rock but the media --
Life is a rock but the media --

(brief instrumental)

Wall Street Journal keeps on lying
Soldiers in Iraq are dying
Peterson is in the slammer
New federal ban on spammers
Johnny Cochran passed away
and Jared Fogle had his day
"Desperate Housewives", "CSI";
In every show somebody dies
"Friends" and "Raymond" off the air
Does anybody even care?
New Ford Mustang, big sensation
We hate the United Nations
A's were on a losing streak
They kept it up for several weeks
Martha Stewart's on parole
Hummer sales in the hole
Dubya's approval rating
CNN continues hating

Life is a rock but the media rolled me
Gonna rain hard on Friday
The Weather Channel told me
Life is a rock but the media rolled me
Like the Rolling Stones
It's never getting moldy

(Listen...local forecast is on)

Pepsi Blue has been a dud
It stains your teeth and tastes like crud
Rental fleets use the Ford Taurus
People find new ways to bore us

iPods still are all the rage
and Saddam's kept inside a cage
One year without the NHL
Sharks fans saying, "What the hell?"

Immigration resolution
Gonna change the Constitution
Purple Haze and Rocquefort cheese
Spray some Mountain Air Febreze
(pause)
...with ease

Porsche has an SUV
It's strong enough to climb a tree
Finger in the Wendy's Chili
Gave the people all the willies

Oil tankers, garbage barges
Minor misdemeanor charges
Draining from the drivel spout
I gotta go, I'm fading out...
(fade to silence)