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Song Parodies -> "We Are The Christians"

Original Song Title:

"We Are The Champions"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"We Are The Christians"

Parody Written by:

Chris Caillouet

The Lyrics

If you are a Christian and find this offensive, know that I did consider making it "We Are The Republicans," but it totally screws up the pacing.
I know The Truth
I know I’m right
I’ve read The Book
And it’s all black and white

Armed with my Faith
I know what to do
I’ve seen my share of sinners smacked down by Saints
Now I shall smack you!

(Everything you do is wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong)

We are the Christians sans sin
And we’ll keep on smiting till we win
We are the Christians
You’d better listen
No time for reason
’Cuz we are the Keepers of the World.

I’ve taken my vows
A man with a wife
Unlike some sick guy-guy anal action abomination
We can make life.

And it’s been our cross to bear
Our crown of thorns
We consider it our duty to shove our God in your face
And shame you with our scorn

(Everything you do is wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong)

We are the Christians – we’re saved
Too bad, all you gay and depraved
We are the Christians
We’re on a mission
No rhyme or reason
’Cuz we are the Conscience of the World

We are the Christians – Hooray!
We bask in God’s Greatness every day
We are the Christians
We are the Christians
Nanny-nanny boo-boo
Jesus doesn’t love you…
Copyright © 2015 by Chris Caillouet. All rights reserved.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.2
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 2.2

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   9
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jonathan - January 26, 2015 - Report this comment
while I won't deny you the pacing was excellent this just simply wasn't as funny as it could've been then again I myself have Christian leanings so maybe that's why I didn't find it too enjoyable? it's not that I was offended or anything and I have even laughed at jokes at Christianity's expense before it's just this... seemed a little off I didn't vote because I'm not sure what the overall score would be just that the pacing would at least get a 4 (if not a 5) Have A Blessed Day! :)
Callmelennie - January 26, 2015 - Report this comment
I think most of your one-bombers don't know where you're coming from, Chris. They think you actually believe the things you're writing
Chris Caillouet - January 26, 2015 - Report this comment
Hey Jonathan, I appreciate the candid feedback. This isn't exactly a "ha ha" funny kind of song, so lower votes in that column may be in order. Don't let it stop you from voting your opinion if you're so inclined; I think it would be refreshing (and much more meaningful) to see more nuance and less polarization in the ratings.
Chris Caillouet - January 26, 2015 - Report this comment
That's okay, Callmelennie, I might have predicted as much. I won't deny this may be one of my more, shall we say, provocative parodies.
Deist - January 26, 2015 - Report this comment
Vous êtes Charlie! Good for you. 5-2-4.
Phil Alexander - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
Loved it - beautifully phrased, in both the matching-the-OS and saying-what-you're-trying-to-say sorts of ways. I think we've all met people like this at some point :-)
Chris Caillouet - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
Deist, thank you so much for your honest assessment. Oui oui, je suis Caillouet (haw haw haw!).
Chris Caillouet - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
Hi, Phil, I'm glad to know you're someone who understands the fundamentals. ;-) Thanks for posting!
Frank Pizarro - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
Whether you accept it or not, vous êtes Charlie as well as yourself. His spirit of iconoclasm infuses your parody. Do not deny your good sense. Be proud of it.
Patrick - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
I always like challenging people, and sometimes inspiring them. How about "We Are The Muslims"? Post it on al-Jazeera. Good luck. Thank God our God has a sense of humor. By the way, a true Christian is conscious of his own sinful nature and seeks God's help to overcome it. But, I have met some of the kind you have described in this parody, the ones who think God needs their help. There is truth here, and sometimes a writer may be attempting to do a parody from the point of view of someone holding different views from his or her own. I've done that myself. Well written and paced. You may offend some, but notice that you have been noticed.
Chris Caillouet - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
Hey, Frank, thank you very much for the compliments and encouragement. I can definitely appreciate and accept the "vous êtes Charlie" connection. My given first name is Charles, in fact, so I think that entitles me to say "Je suis Charlie, literally," right? :-D
Chris Caillouet - January 27, 2015 - Report this comment
Patrick, hello again. That's a mighty big challenge you pose there! Good luck, indeed. You are right, this is intended to lampoon a specific kind of Christian, the sort for whom "Christian" should be put in quotes if they are going to insist on calling themselves that. I recognize that they are but a subset, and that this type of person is not exclusive to Christianity, so it shouldn't be too hard to turn this into a "We Are The Muslims" version if you decide to do that. ;-) You nailed the POV aspect as well; it's a powerful form of satire if done well (Hail Colbert!). I would hope that, if anyone were offended, it would be the choruses of "Christians" I imagined belting out this anthem in my head as I composed it. Thank you Patrick for your comments and compliments - it feels good to be noticed.
Susanna Viljanen - January 30, 2015 - Report this comment
I'm just waiting for your spoof "We Are the Muslims"... or shall I do it?
Chris Caillouet - January 31, 2015 - Report this comment
Hi Susanna. Please do! I'm surprised Patrick didn't jump on it already. Thanks for stopping by.
Callmelennie - January 31, 2015 - Report this comment
Actually, Chris I'm the go to guy for Islmoparodies around this joint. Check out my author page -- it's chock full of Islamophobia, or so the trolls tell me
Chris Caillouet - February 01, 2015 - Report this comment
Ah, so I see! "Mohammed told me: You better chop 'em down" is tremendous and inspired. I'm clearly out of my cabal here, but I am eager to see which of you, Patrick and Susanna can shout "Raze Allah!" the loudest.

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