This stuff looks real nice
What's with the secrecy?
Awed by the grand sight
So I gape at the lingerie

Open till nine
It says on the sign I see

My wife's a kill-joy
She needs some sex appeal
Because I'm in a slump, feeling low
A little limp, little slow
Gazing through the window
Makes it even sadder for me
For me

My, my, the thrill has scrammed
Not much fun, I'm tense in bed
And my vigor's turned to dread

My, my...wife is such a nun
But now they've gone and closed up for the day

My, my, oo-oo-oo-oo
Ticked and steamed to say goodbye
But I'll be back again to stem my sorrow
Very wrong, very wrong, (buying) stuff that really flatters

New day, my mind is numb
I'm driven, go inside
Oddly shaking, terrified
Good smile, better body - She says, "Hello"
"Can I help you find some lace to grace her tush?"

My, my, oo-oo-oo-oo - (gazing out the window)
"I don't know her size"
"It's much like yours, but wider and not as tall"

(Instrumental break)

I seem a little ineffective at romance
Dare I smooch, dare I shoot, will my stupid gland dangle?
Thunder thighs and mood swings - very scary nights for me

Gettin' braver, wanna crave her,
Mustn't waver, wanna shave her,
Misbehave and let it show - my itch must go
Oh-oh-oh-oh

('Cause) I'm just a horndog (with) no one to fluff me
He's just a horndog with a porn fantasy
Daring his wife with his audacity

Sleazy slut, sleazy hoe - will you lift my woe?
This will not! No, it will not fit her well - I should know
This will not! It will not sit too well - I should know
This will not! She will be pissed as hell - I should go
Will not let you go - I should go (never)
Never let you go - I should go
Better let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh, so appealin', so revealin', I'm a-dealin', what a show
The catalog, it'll never be the same to me
To me
To me

Lo, she slinks in the store and she's watchin' me buy
And she swings and she slugs me and leaves with a sigh
Oh, maybe - can't buy these for my lady
Lust shot full of doubt - Must opt for a night full of fear

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really flatters
When you're old as she
No one could be sadder - no one could be sadder than me

Gazing through the window...