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Song Parodies -> "Return of The Crimson Tide"

Original Song Title:

"We Are The Champions"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Return of The Crimson Tide"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

No, this isn't a college football parody.
Listen up, dudes
Once more it's time
28th day penance
Comes the Crimson Tide
That's what it takes
Wait 'til it's through
She nags and runs all over the place
If you argue, you'll lose
(Sex is temporarily gone, gone, gone!)

She's using tampons, again!
And there will be bleeding 'til it ends
She's using tampons, she's using tampons
Don't try to schmooze her
'Cause she's using tampons...
With 'the pearl"!

She eats chocolate bars
And takes 10 Midol
She'll go through the cramps and bloating and bitching all about it
And make you crawl
Please forgive her rantings
Wait next time, dudes
Just let her be happy to wax up her face
And buy 10 pairs of shoes!
(You gotta wait 'til it's gone, gone, gone)

She's using tampons, again
Later she'll be your buddy once again
She's using tampons, she's using tampons
Please don't seduce her
'Cause she's using tampons....what a world!

She's using tampons, again
And she might be biting your rear end
She's using tampons, she's using tampons
No time for lovers
'Cause she's using tampons....

Copyright 2008, Agrimorfee. Oh boy.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   1
 3   0
 4   1
 5   19

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
too funny...the pacing was as tight as a.....well, let's just say it was tight
Ann Hammond - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I sang
Michael Pacholek - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Does that mean she uses Deacon Blue feminine protection?
McKludge - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I saw Crimson Tide, and I though, eh, who cares about Alabama football. But this was well worth the click just for the "she's using tampons, again!" line. A steady flow of fives for you.
MOR - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
This parody is all the rage! I was tickled pink!
Guy - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Ag - Is that a tampon in your pocket or are you just happy to bleed me? Well done, sir. And if you got Ann to say she sang that is going some in my book. Bloody good and what Alvin said.
AFW - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
This is just a very good parody. Period.
Below Average Dave - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Ha ha! That was hilarious. I was thinking this can't possibly pace, but boy was I wrong. I guess a couple of people didn't find the topic funny, I thought it was hilarious myself, and excellent rhyming I must say.
malcolm higgins - May 21, 2008 - Report this comment
bloody great
Agrimorfee - May 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks Alvin, Guy, MOR, BAD, Malky, McKludge, AFW and a special nod on the distaff side to Ann for appreciating the humor. I was kind of worried about the potential backlash this one would generate.
Jason - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(S.O.T.M.) Was excellent!
Matthias - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Not bad, I heard a Bob Rivers song that was very much like this your lyrics were different (And a hell of a lot better rhymed, and was told from a different perspective), but pretty much the Tampons Champions rhyme has been done before to me so I didn't find it was hilarious as I could have. Yours was the better write, but he had the idea originally, but I'm not holding that against you here 555.
Gianni Parmesiani - June 12, 2008 - Report this comment
So tampon parodies are more accepted than fart parodies? I guess each has an audience and its detractors. Clever disguise in the Crimson Tide title, but I can certainly think of many more situations that would have made this even funnier.
Max Power - June 20, 2008 - Report this comment
1 voters these days, 555 periods will be for you.
Peregrin - June 21, 2008 - Report this comment
How did I miss this? :( Parody of the month :)
Peter Andersson - June 22, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Once a month you amaze us Agri, best use of this parody subject I've seen! Possibly an old one named Wake Me Up When Your Menstruation Ends comes close but this was much better paced etc and goes straight to the short list pad!
Red Ant - June 27, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I thought I spotted a pacing mistake, but this flowed well... for 5 days. Totally tasteless in a good way. I dare you to do "Maxi Pads" to "Sexyback" or "PMS" to "Be Our Guest".
Guy - June 28, 2008 - Report this comment

Wonder if her man plays for Tampa - close enough to TamponsĀ®. "She'll be your buddy again" - best line.
bobpiecheese - June 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The stressing was a bit awkward in places, but then I haven't heard the full original song. I'm not usually one for sexual-related parodies, but this was very good!
adagio - June 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Pity the Alabama foorball team stuck with the name "Crimson Tide". :)
Phil Alexander - June 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Could have sworn I commented on this first time around - it came out on the day I wrote one to the same OS about my local football team... and a *very* different write. Wasn't overly keen on this, sorry to say, except for the "seduce her" sub - that was spot on.
Jeff Reuben - June 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Your header comment answered my first question. Then I wondered if it was about algae. I should have known from the start where this was going :)
Invisible Boy - June 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Nice "fake" with the title. Your 5s come with no strings attached.
I almost wanted to cringe, bit decided to laugh instead. reminds me a little of the first comment you ever gave to me, and I quote, "OMFG"...
Susanna Viljanen - January 15, 2009 - Report this comment
*sigh* That time of the month. 555 naggings, b****ings and rants.
Abbott Skelding - July 18, 2011 - Report this comment
I was totally expecting an Alabama parody, but this may be one of the greatest Queen parodies I've ever read...EVER!! Excellent job!
Max Power - July 22, 2011 - Report this comment
I'm guessing four women undergoing their time of the month came in. I'll make it up with 555 worth of tampons.
Blaydeman - July 23, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) Bleh! Just the thought makes me quiver. Really funny spin on a rather disgusting topic.
Mark Scotti - July 25, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) The creative "juices" were really "flowing" in this one...LOL
bobpiecheese - July 26, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above.
D-Mon - July 26, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) Go 'Bama Go! Wait, it's not about Alabama, it's about.... OMG! Eh, grossly funny LOL!
Below Average Dave - July 28, 2011 - Report this comment
See above
Matthias - July 31, 2011 - Report this comment
This is the song I based my King Crimson song about. So you already must know what I think about it.

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