REPORTER: (running from person to person, asking for an interview)
Interview? (person shakes head)
Interview? (again, no)
Interview? (finally, a yes!)
Can I record this—

COACH:
No! Never!
No, not a
microphone!

REPORTER:
I want to use my microphone
I want to use my mike
There’ll be misquotes in shorthand notes,
But I will do that if you like….

You say cap I write “cape”
You say rap I write “rape”
You’re too fast, I say hey man
Slow down, I’m no machine
And you keep on mumbling.
I cannot hear your voice,
But you won’t give me a choice
What’s so wrong with record-
-ing, I won’t post it on Youtube,
Myspace, Facebook, or Yahoo,
I just wanna use my

Microphone, Microphone, Microphone
Just let me use my microphone, microphone, microphone
I want to use my DVR*,
But I can’t use my mike,
And now there’s no proof what you said,
So I can’t prove it….

Newspaper deadlines are coming my way,
Write sports articles—where are the quotes?
I can’t read the notes I wrote the other day,
So I’ll use what I THINK that I wrote…
Got my quotes…
Get set…
Go!

(starts typing)

Start right away, What does that say? Write it anyway
Article, article, article,
I love to write my articles,
Articles, articles, articles
Articles done!

(print print print, out come the papers, and they are distributed. Headline: Coach Admits to Team Doping. Coach reads it and quickly grows outraged, confronts student reporter)

REPORTER:
You said heat it says cheat
You said hope it says dope
You’re mad? I say cool it man
I’m a student, I’m not aiming for a Pulitzer.
Now your team is in shame,
And it’s you who’s to blame,
you have made yourself famous
For that quote in my notes, I recall,
How your team used ‘roids this fall,
All because I used no
Microphone, microphone, microphone!
You said to use no microphone, microphone, microphone!
Since there’s no record of your words,
You’re wrong, I can’t be sued.
You said no to my microphone,
It's your own fault that you are screwed!