Is this the real life-
Is this just campery
Terminally typecast
No escape from my infamy
Open my throat
Tell an anecdote and SCREAM
Im just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-
Because Its easy cash, do the show
Make em laugh, quietly go,
Parkinson or Willo,doesnt really matter to me,
To me

Matron, went with a man
Had the traditional near Spain
Now I’m crippled with the shame
Matron, career could have been great
But now Ive gone and pissed it all away-
Matron, ooooooh oooooh,
Want to fall asleep and die-
If I don’t wake again just make another
Carry on, Carry on,as if nothing really matters-

Too late,my time has gone
Stuck here looking after mum,
Usual trouble with the bum
Goodbye everybody-Ive got to go-
Gotta stop acting the drunk outrageous poove
Matron ooo- (Parkison or Willo)
I just want to die,
I sometimes wish Id never been born at all-


We see a little funny man from Carry On
He’s a poof, he’s a poof! Will you do the camp voices?
Julian and Sandy, Rambling Syd, The Khasi, ME!
Cordwangler, Cordwangler,,
Cordwangler, Cordwangler,
Cordwangler, creppe suzzette-FANTABULOSA!!!!-
But Im just a poor boy, nobody loves me-
Hes just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare his career from this faux campery-
Easy cash, do the show-, Stop messing about!
Miss Williams! no-,we will not stop messing- Stop messing!
Miss Williams! we will not stop messingo-Stop messing!
Miss Williams! we will not stop messing-Stop messing!
Will not stop messing-Stop messing!
Will not stop mesing- Stop messing!
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!-
OOOOh Matron, OOOOOh Marton, Martron stop messing-

An Audience with.. has a special put aside for me,for me,for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you think I’m just fit for chat shows and repeats-
So you think you can mock me out loud in the street???-
Oh baby-cant do this to me baby-
Just gotta put you. I’m gonna put you in my DIARY!!!!

Ooooooooooooooh, Oooh yeah, Ooo yeah..

What’s the bloody point?,
O-of it all
What’s the bloody point…….. of it all?

Parkison or Willo....