this thing...i carved
i want...to cuddle him
this thing...i carved
i want...to snuggle him
i'm his daddy
crazy whittled thing i love

this thing... (this thing)...i carved...(i carved)
he lies...(lies like crazy)...till his nose is a fright
a hunk...(woo woo)...of pine...(woo woo)
he's painted all over to resemble flesh
he's kinda life-like
crazy whittled thing i love

i've...no...real...baby
but to whittle one has been my goal
i worked like crazy
it was a hopeful endeavor
he just may be a real lad, yet

he's gotta be schooled
learn facts
get hip
get on the track
got a cricket
who'll chide
might take a long time till the boy decides
to get steady
crazy whittled thing i love

this thing...i carved
i'm just...so fond of him
this thing...i carved
i want...to bond with him
i'm his daddy
crazy whittled thing i love

crazy whittled thing i love
crazy whittled thing i love
crazy whittled thing i love