This is a cheese slice
This is just plastic cheese
I don't think it's nice
I want another variety
Toasted or fried
Or just on the side for me
I've got some oatcakes
Apples and celery

And it's:
Port Salut
Caerphilly
Feta too
Halloumi

Get it on the cheeseboard
Someone get some crackers for me
For me

(piano)

Mama, it's Parmesan
Put a Gouda to his head
Put some Stilton on the bread.
Mama, it's Bavarian
And now it's Cambazola all the way.
Mama, blue-oo-oo-oo
Mozarella to deep fry,
And Monterey Jack again
This time tomorrow
Camembert, Camembert,
'Cause we're all out of crackers.

To grate my Wensleydale,
Red Leicester it tastes fine,
Mature Cheddar is all mine,
Cheeseboard anybody?
With Buffalo
Gotta cut off all the rind to taste the truth.

Mama, blue-oo-oo-oo
The goats cheese is too dry
I sometimes wish I'd never had Emmental

(middle eight)

I see a little Dolcelatte on the side,
Dairylea, Dairylea,
And a slice of Reggiano
Spreading Mascarpone,
On the Macaroni CHEESE!

Galloway-o
Galloway-o
Galloway-o
Galloway-o
Galloway-o
Oakwood Smoked!

Magnifico-o-o-o-oh

Gruyere and Roquefort, smooth Bel Paese

Cheshire and Caboc, Stilton with cranberry

Spare me a slice of the Double Gloucester please

Cheeses blue, cheeses white, do you have a cheese knife?

A cheese knife? No! We cannot help you so
Help me so!
A cheese knife? We cannot help you so
Help me so!
A cheese knife? We cannot help you so

Cannot help you so
Cannot help you so
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh peccorino, peccorino, peccorino here for me
Some Danish Blue,
And the deli put aside some Brie-ee-ee
Some Brie-ee-ee, some Brieeeeeeeeeee!

(solo)

can you get me some munster to put on my pie
or maybe ricotta i'll give that a try-y-y
sage derby, you cant use any sage derby
just gotta get goats, or cottage or colby from here

(solo)

nothing really matters, anyone can see
nothing really matters, nothing really matters
except CHEEEEEEEEEEEESE!