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Song Parodies -> "Venereal Crabsody"

Original Song Title:

"Bohemian Rhapsody"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Venereal Crabsody"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Is this a virus?
Is it a spirochaete
Caught an infection
No doubt when I was indiscrete
Open my flies
And I see your lice on me
I'm just a poor boy, I don't need syphilis
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Condom on? I don't know
I gave you trichosomes
You gave urethritis to me
To me

Doctor, just caught a bug
You did not expect this did ya?
Pulled my trigger, Bang! Chlamydia
Doctor, ain't it so much fun
The pox I've got I'm giving all away
Doctor, oooo-oooh
Injections make me cry
And though I know I'll feel a prick tomorrow
I'll carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Can't wait, my time has come
Though you've crabs in your nighties
And epididymities
Scabies on my body, I've got to go
When I look at my behind I face the truth
I don't want chancroids
And my lymphogranuloma's getting tall

I see a little papilloma on a man
Scrotal itch! Scrotal itch! Where did all the crabs go?
Infected and smelling - ain't sure of the spelling, me
Gonorrhoea (Gonorrhea)
Gonorrhoea (Gonorrhea)
Gonorrhoea has an 'O' (No there's no Oooo)

I'm just a poor boy with ballanitis
He's just a poor boy with hepatitis
Not just hep-A but hep-B, C and D
Molluscum contagio will not let me go
Condyloma! No! it's not on my big toe (not his toe!)
Condyloma! Not on my big toe (not his toe!)
Condyloma! Not on my big toe (not his toe!)
Not on my big toe (not his toe!)
Not on my big toe (not his toe!)
Never on my toe
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Monococci, diplococci, streptococci in a row
And gonococcus hurts me when I try to pee
To pee
To peeeee

So you think you'll infect me with all of your sores
So you think you can leave me with pustules of yours
OK, maybe... think you'll blister me, baby
You're gonna get pox.. you're gonna get pox out of me

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
I'm better now you see
Nothing really matters
Now it doesn't hurt me
To pee

Anyway the bug goes...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   10

User Comments

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Johnny D - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
555 mg of Penicillin, 555 mg of Amoxicillin, 555 mg of Cipro, and for goodness sake, use a freakin' condom next time, dude!
Syncronos - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
I ain't got a damn clue what the heck you're talkin' about in that song, but whatever it get all 5's from me for crammin' all that scientific shiz-nit into Bohemian Rhapsody. You got skillz
Jack Wilson - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job!
MarthaDTox - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody love it
Guy - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
You need help my friend. Even the google ads are trying to help you, so get help already. This was extremely well executed. Keep 'em coming, er I mean going, er, you know what I mean. ;-)
John Jenkins - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Hepatitis A, B, C and D - good stuff. But you have a bad case of parody-itis A+.
Rick D - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
This Dr. Phil is a lot more entertaining than that other one.
Phil Alexander - January 29, 2004 - Report this comment
:-) Thanks, all... there's more than a little of a Pythonic influence in this one (as you might have guessed), but I am rather pleased with my "Gonorrhoea/gonorrhea" with and without an "o" - especially after having some small-minded schoolboy try and correct my spelling of "diarrhoea" in this one:
Meriadoc - February 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil you are one sick puppy! (Mange, maybe?) This is hilarious!
Birgitta - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment
-ROTF- My goodness-you have to be sick to write this good! This is incredible..I was just blown away.No doubt one of the best I've ever read... I was an A med. student & you still confused the $#!t outta me..
Diva - February 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Bravo Phil! This was great! Brilliant! Magnifico!
Phil Alexander - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Merry, Birgitta and Diva.. surely, Birgitta, as a med. student there's nothing to faze you in this one - but you might also enjoy "The Genome Song", here:
Birg - February 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil,I left you a message on "Genome".Another masterpiece. ; )
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Damned TJ Spindler sounds like a venereal! I could spell diarrhoea when I was four years old, along with champagne and pneumonia. They were the only three, but I managed to flaunt them to every single relative we visited. Luckily I didn't share anything else with them...this parody is pure genius, Phil!
Adagio - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Fantastic! 5's
Peregrin - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny stuff, Phil, specially the clincher at the last line!!!
Agrimorfee - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
How did I miss this one? Pure genius. 5*5*5*.
Stuart McArthur - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Phil! This was absolutely brilliant - 100 out of 100 from me - could not be improved on - that "gonorrhoeia has no o-o-o-o-o" was hilarious - 555 - and the NSU-wooo, and "hep B,C,D" - the whole lot
Phil Alexander - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
:-D Thanks... must admit I've enjoyed revisiting this one, too.
Johnny D - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) So they don't have condoms across the pond, eh? Dreadful privation.
Jared - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil Alexander - November 25, 2004 - Report this comment
No, JD, it's not that we don't have condoms... it's just this: ;-)
Paul Robinson - November 27, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) - Phil, I've got an itch that tells me this may do well in the "V" letter contest. 5's ~ ~ ~
Meriadoc - November 28, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) As above.
ABC's OF PARODIES ROUND "V" GOLD MEDAL - December 01, 2004 - Report this comment;topic=3010.0;id=2498;image
Adagio - April 09, 2005 - Report this comment
( ABC 2004 Winners) Already commented. - April 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Whatever the Pythons had in "Medical Love Song" must be contagious. That's a compliment. I too enjoy "Gonorrhoea (Gonorrhea)." As for Condyloma, I think everybody in the US has that - isn't she Secretary of State?
Scathe - April 26, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTMfinals) Absolutely vile.
LadyWithMolluscum - February 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Hilarious! Absolutely hilarious.

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