Well we live in a castle far away from town
You never see us 'cause we're all hunkered down
We write literary trifles just to make the highbrows frown
But we need more money, that's why we don our wizard's gown
So you buy it for me and I'll buy it for you
And in this land of tradition and brand recognition
It might annoy you and it'll probably bore you

Well it's so good to be back, I needed a yawn
Remember Dumbledore? Well, I'm afraid that he's gone
It was a drag hiring stand-ins: actors don't last long
Yes, that was me with the owls, setting them free near the whomping tree
That can evacuate your bowels
I hope Hermione's affection stirs Ron to an erection
All that schoolboy sex, no wonder Harry needs specs

Well I'm a barrel of laughs with my head in a book
I keep on readin', every chapter has a hook
But I'm still not happy, I feel like it's gobbledygook
I got the Harry Potter blues, I see bloody steam trains
And ten million pissed muggles comin' down the mountains
Well, I hear the seventh sequel is full of famous stars
But most of them were extras from Madagascar