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Song Parodies -> "Don’t Befriend Jack Bauer"

Original Song Title:

"You Don’t Bring Me Flowers"

Parody Song Title:

"Don’t Befriend Jack Bauer"

Parody Written by:

John Jenkins

The Lyrics

The sixth season finale of “24” is tonight (in the U.S.). Will any of Jack Bauer’s remaining family and co-workers still be alive at the end?
Don’t befriend Jack Bauer,
Don’t give him an hour
‘Cause if you do, he’ll take twenty four,
And he’ll just be a bore
Through the end of the day.

I remember when
Jack friends were not entombed, and
He seemed almost human.
Now both day and night, he is awake.
Though he stays energized,
No food does he partake.
And from start to finish,
He gets no bathroom break.
And does this agent shower anymore?

Jack used to have a desire
To die for his country.
But whenever the villains attack,
Ev’ryone dies except Jack.
He just won’t go away.

Does Jack Bauer remember
Promises that he’s made?
Jack tells us to trust him,
He won’t let us die.
But Kim has no mother
And here’s the reason why:
He didn’t know his mistress
Was a double agent spy.
Now you can’t trust Jack Bauer anymore.

If you have one hour,
Re-arrange your sock drawer.
If you have two hours,
Go bar hop with Al Gore.
But if you have thirty,
You might accomplish more.
Just don’t give Jack Bauer twenty four.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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TJC - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Very funny -- title of the day!
John Barry - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Don't watch the show. Now I know why. Nice job.
Dee Range - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't watch the show either, but then again, I don't watch TV much anyway. But you don't need to watch the show to love this.
Dylan Baranski - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
I hardly watch any new TV shows. Well, except for Myth busters, new episodes of King of the Hill & The Simpsons (I saw the 400th episode of the latter last night, btw), and occasionally Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? I also occasionally watch Dirty Jobs & How It's Made. Other than that, I'm into older TV shows, such as: MacGyver, The Dukes of Hazzard, The A-Team, Hunter, etc...
McKludge - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
I usually give up on "24" about 5 episodes in. I can only suspend my disbelief so far. But 24 5's for this!
AFW - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Very funny and on the mark spoof
Michael Pacholek - May 21, 2007 - Report this comment
I'd rather befriend Hank Bauer. Except he's dead. (He was 85, and a hero on both the battlefield and the ballfield.) I never would've thought of this. Lucky for the rest of us, you did. Five buckets. I mean, five bouquets.
John Jenkins - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks for votes and comments. MP, I liked Hank Bauer, too; especially when he was managing the Orioles to higher finishes than the Yankees. Actually, I do enjoy '24' - it's the only series I watch - and was somewhat surprised that there don't appear to be other fans of the show on AmiRight.
Yeah... - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment is kind of like being Dirty Harry's partner; just like in all the TV cop shows, they kept getting shot. The difference in those movies was that people actually noticed this.

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