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Song Parodies -> "Rye Ham, I Said"

Original Song Title:

"I Am, I Said"

Original Performer:

Neil Diamond

Parody Song Title:

"Rye Ham, I Said"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Deli Klein's serve fine
Most of the time,
Their food is delicious
Owner's Mel, really swell,
What they sell,
It's all kosher in here,
Even the dishes..

Now, I'm not one
To raise a fuss,
Besides and plus
That cute waitress, Emma
But, tell me why
It takes so long?
And this order's wrong,
Such is my dilemma..

Rye Ham, I said
And it's not there
Can no one hear at all?
I bang my chair
Rye Ham, I cried
Rye Ham, said I
My Rye Ham's lost,
And they won't even say why
And this pickle's not dill..

Repeated it twice
Chef should have got it right
Cause my ordering
Was not a lame one
This is white bread on beef
Got this beef, and my grief
My demeanor, my friend's
Not really a tame one..

Now, I've got a hungriness
Deep inside, appetite
Hearing my stomach groan
No, I'm not a man
Who likes to swear,
But, I'll do my share,
If I'm just left sitting alone...

Rye Ham, I said
Rye Ham's not there
Can no one hear at all?
Are they breathing air?
Rye Ham, I cried
Rye Ham, said I
My order's lost
And they won't even say why
And this pickle's not dill...

Rye Ham, I said
Rye Ham, I cried
Rye Ham...

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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alvin rhodes - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
a passionate plea, if i ever heard one...5s
Paul Robinson - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, AFW, as much as I LOATHE this OS I liked this parody...also reminds me of an episode at a "Deli" in Studio City...our family went there for some sort of minor said "Deli" on the sign and on the menu and such...but it didn't FEEL like a Deli...but...we sat Step-Mother, who used to OWN a Deli, ordered her Corned Beef Sandwich - on Rye with just Mustard, of course...and it came with on White Bread with Mayonaisse, lettuce, tomato, and whatever else - oh, I do think they put some mustard on it, too...and she nearly had a stroke...but it wasn't enough for the waitress to take it back and finally get the CB on Rye with just mustard...Step-Mom spent the entire meal obsessing over it, and each time the waitress came by for anything she got another loud and complete earfull about it, it wasn't a great or enjoyable dining experience...Brother Dave finally threatened to walk out if Step-Mom didn't knock off the bitching...which drew icy stares and vibes from Step-Mom...ever wish you were somewhere else? And had a different Family? I soup was OK...not great, but OK...5's here ~ ~ ~
Rick C - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice title and execution....555
Tim Mayfield - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I keep thinking if this gets recorded folks will think you are saying "Dry ham". Funnier as rye ham. 5's
Chuck A. Spear - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
The very idea of ordering ham in a kosher deli....hilarious! The mental images this brought to mind- an out-of-place goy ordering at the counter...the clerks looking befuddled and conversing among themselves...the guy not having a clue as to why they're not bringing his ham....!! Great! 555
AFW - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Alvin.. Thanks, Paul...good story...and adds validity, here Thanks, Rick C Thanks, Tim...I see what you mean..with rye and dry. Thanks, Chuck
Red Ant - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Like Paul I can't stand TOS. That said this is excellent and I can relate with people waiters/waitresses messing up my order.
George Costanza - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
The sea was angry that day, my friends! Like an old man sending back soup at a deli!
Michael Pacholek - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Diamond is one of a parodist's best friends. And this one is no turkey.
AFW - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks also, to Red Ant and Michael

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