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Song Parodies -> "NHL is Much More Than Fights"

Original Song Title:

"Paradise by the Dashboard Lights"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"NHL is Much More Than Fights"

Parody Written by:

Below Average Dave

The Lyrics

I'm at
(Hockey Fan)
Well I remember down at the ice rink
All of my team-mates lacing up their skates
Practice tape to tape
and trying not to fall on our behinds
and I rarely scored a goal
D was my position as a kid
But we all kept our cool
and we never did get into fights

But now I'm watching that hockey late at night
The goalies are so good, And players check so tight
And they're steaming like a heater that's about to blow high
steaming like a heater that's about to blow high
Hip Check! To the right
Well, Watch Out! They might fight

(Both Parts)
They play with so much passion each and ev'ry night
They all want Lord Stanley within' reaching sight

(ESPN Analyst)
We are so sick of it
This ogre punch fest
'cause all they do is fight and scream
and see who falls the best

(ESPN Analyst and a Baseball Fan)
We aren't gonna watch it
Rather watch 9 innings of grass sit
I can do without it
'cause Baseballs the best

(Hockey Fan)
It may be all that you've seen
but please give it a rest

(Background boo--bop-bop)
If you want a game with heart
You gotta check out where it's nice and cold
Cause all the innings draggin' on
can't possibly be all that fun

and now basketball gets old
The final five minutes aren't done yet?
They don't play for the prize
Just their shoe contract size
but there's a sport that's right
Hockey's overlooked but hun. . .
(End Background sounds)

When you want a tough sport that plays ev'ry night
It not like football, the penalties are light
And you don't hear the trash talking that's meant to incite
don't hear the trash talking that's meant to incite
C'mon, I am right!
Well, C'mon, they aren't nice!


(Basketball Fan, Football Fan)
Your sport's cold and angry, player's teeth are slight
I think the NHL's nothing more than fights
Your sport's cold and angry, player's teeth are slight (They're teeth are a fright)
NHL's nothing more than fights

(Tennis Fan, Golf Fan)
We'd rather watch athletes stand
and see who controls the ball the best
We will never watch it
Hockey on Versus
'cause of all sports on the T.V.
And it is barely. . .

(Hockey Fan)
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight, tonight
(Fans of Detroit, Toronto, St. Louis and the Rangers)
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight, tonight
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight, tonight
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight
I'm gonna turn on the game tonight, tonight

(Color Commentary)
Alright, Puck is dropped,
We got a real battle going down here
Onside, passed right, pass blocked
He's ringing it around the back
Goalie's got it-he
freezes play
a slap shot, top of the circle
Almost a goal
The puck hit the crossbar
He's circling the net, looking for a pass now
The goalie just went down and sprawled
Lost his stick for a second
The puck is taken by the defense
and they get it out
and down the ice
Looks like it'll be icing
here they go, iced puck
No, wait, oh--the goalie touched it
Road team's really getting antsy in here
Home number two takes the puck
Past his red-line
Dumps it in
and the defense missed the puck
Aiming for the five hole
Here's the shot
it's going up--SAVE Oh Baby
That was close, open net
He's making a pretty slick pass out there
and the defense cannot get the puck
The left wing pulls up
Let's go, he's blasted
Defense charged him, right in time
The penalty arm is raised
Dropping gloves, a fight?
They're gonna throw down
Who will punch
Who will fall to the ice
Don't look now, I think we've got a battle

(The Ref)
Stop right now!
Or you'll both be out
You will both get five minutes

If you punch him
It is more than just roughing.
If you kick him
Skate away don't touch him
All the haters out there think all we do is fight
So talk it over today, and get a cold one tonight?

(Hockey Fan)
Will you watch it?
It will give you much pleasure
You will love it
and you'll want more of it
It can chase away boredom even if there are fights
They are Canadian, so they will make up that night
Just give it a chance pal
You've watched that pigskin forever
C'mon watch it
and you will know why it's out there

(That Football fan again)
But there's a football game
Baseball, soccer and a tennis game
In that tennis game
Serena Williams faces her sister

But there's a Nascar race
Bowling, Bowling and a big boat chase
The Olympic games
and Basketball is on 'til morning

There's so many games
Watching, Watching oh so many games
and hockey is a shame

It's nothing but fighting and that's boring

(Hockey Fan)
no-You should try it now
You like boxing!
Watching wrestling forever
So your hustling
Watching fighting champions
If you can watch so much crap, you should see what's on ice
It's much more than a game, As entertainment it's nice
You've gotta watch right now
You do not know what your missing
Will you watch it-
Before you judge it now brother?

Turn it on right now guy
It's on Versus tonight
Turn it on right now guy
Watch it now
Turn it on right now guy
Watch. . . it. . . now

(Football Fan)
(trying to make an excuse during "Watch. . .it. . .now" but-but-but)
They will fight in it
Buddy, buddy, they will fight in it
They will fight in it
They'll have black eyes by the night time

(Hockey Fan)
Will you watch it?

(Football Fan)
They will fight in it!

(Hockey Fan)
Buddy, Buddy, will you watch it.

(Football Fan)
Buddy, buddy Please no-not today
Try some other day
and I'll give you my answer in the morning

(Hockey Fan)
Just shut up and try it
It will give you more pleasure than you get Monday nights.
'cause these men with big sticks are about more than fights.
(End Simultaneous Singing)

(Hockey Fan)
You gotta watch it now
Before you dis it-now try it
When you watch once
You will love it forever

(Football Fan)
I think hockey is lame!

(Hockey Fan)
Have you ever sat through it?

(Football Fan)
Every game is the same!

(Hockey Fan)
Have to try it to dis it!

(Football Fan. . .)
I fin'lly tried a hockey game
Wow it was great
I had gone to see a fight, out broke a hockey game
and now I'm watching every night 'cause other sports are lame
So now I watch it each and ev'ry night
Oh Yeah, I am watching each and every night

So now I'm never bothered by the fights
It is the best thing on ice
'cause there's no other sport that has the passion they do
How did I let this fun escape my life
I'm turning off the news, and Tiger Woods is out
Because the Bruins are facing Montreal

Watching Hockey ev'ry night
On Versus oh it's true (true-truuuuuue)
Watching Hockey ev'ry night and then watch the fights on You Tube!

(Simultaneous Singing)
(Other sports fans from earlier)
(*Hockey Fan starts at this point)
Did you see that goal, could you replay that save
I'm am so glad the NHL is on today
Did you see that goal, could you replay *that save
I'm am so glad the NHL is on today
. . .outro

(Hockey Fan)
They are all packing wood
They don't drop loves all night
And I had told you all
That hockey is much more than fights
. . .outro
This has been a Below Average Dave Production, All Rights Reserved

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stan Hall - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Marvelous parody, even better hail to hockey. In a world where all's right, this'd replace The Hockey Song (The good old hockey game / is the best game you can name. / And the best game you can name / is the good old hockey game / ...), which _is_ lame. This baseball, hockey, and soccer lovin', tennis and footlball toleratin', golf and basketball dissin', motor sports ridiculin' sports fan gives this a hat trick's worth of 5s. :-)
John Barry - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow! This is much better than a hockey game. 15 points.
Invisible Boy - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
It seems that you have been thinking a lot about hockey lately, Dave.
Congratutations on taking-on this OS, fighting your way through it, and living to tell about it.
Below Average Dave - December 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you Stan, John and IB:) I have IB--it's that season! Thank you Stan, I always though it was too. . .
Andria - December 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Great job, Dave! This parody really pays homage to the game of hockey, and it gets 5's straight across. I also have a little story about hockey for you: When I was in 4th grade, I got a hockey puck to the chest during a P.E.-class floor hockey game courtesy of another girl who didn't like me for numerous reasons and was hitting the puck as if it were a golf ball. Thankfully, the puck hit at the right time, so that I did not go into fibrillations and possibly die. The other girl was expelled from school, and I spent the rest of the day in the nurse's office.
Agrimorfee - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
HE Hockey stick, Hockey stick, that was another milestone off your list! Cries for a heavily-produced video with choreography and a cast of hundreds. Good look recording this one :).
Guy - August 16, 2009 - Report this comment

I don't give a puck what anyone says - this is epic. You didn't let your meat loaf on this one. My Penguin’s did not disappoint this year. I loved how you did the "Color Commentary". Some great imagination here. Well done BAD.
Melanie Lee - August 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Lots of fun, easy to follow, and funny! And no, you haven't convinced me to watch hockey! Score: 5 to 5 to 5!
bobpiecheese - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) I don't care how many fights it does/doesn't have, it's still sport so I'm not touching it. That said, great pacing, very funny and creative, 555 blah blah blah.
Leo Keough - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC5(N) Monumental effort here!!!...555!!!
Stuart McArthur - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) crikey that's a big effort BADave, not that I don't expect that from you. Your two aims were to do a feasible-sounding commentary on a hockey game, and make it swing along to the OS's pacing. You weren't aiming for humour. You certainly achieved those first two aims though. - 555
Matthias - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
This song should be recorded and used on ESPN it's that good Dave, and seeing its a song that I entered as an Epic 40 makes me even happier.
Red Ant - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
"Now basketball gets old - the final five minutes aren't done yet?" was the best line for me, and I loved the commentary part. I would have commented back on Dec 8th, but I started TOS then and it just now ended, heh heh. Any plans on recording this monster?
Agrimorfee - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Me like hockey!

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