Paradise By The Dashboard Light
(Weegie Version)


(Boy)
Well a rememba ev’ry little hing because a dae it ev’ry Saturday!
Parked doon by the Clyde an’ there wis no another space in sight!
An’ a never hid a burd, gagging fur it filthy as you were,
An’ aw the boys at skul, they’d already done ya twice last night!


An’ noo ma troosers are no’ so close an’ tight,
in fact they’re roon ma feet, it’s no’ a pretty sight!
And i’m growin’ like Pinocchio an’ that’s no’ a lie,
Growin’ like Pinocchio cud poke ma own eye,
C’mon, hold on tight, aw c’mon, cut yer s***e!


(Girl)
Though it’s f****n’ baltic by ol’ Glasgae’s Clyde,
(Boy)
A can see paradise with legs open wide!


(Girl)
Ain’t nae doot aboot it, gonnae no’ complain.
Because yer wantin’ in ma knickers an’ ‘am wearin’ nane!
(Both)
Ain’t nae doot aboot it, so wit if a’ aye shout aboot it,
Ain’t nae doot aboot it, gonnae no’ complain,
(Boy)
Because ‘am wantin’ in yer knickers an’ yer wearing nane!


M’oan hen let’s get doon tae business, hid me dae’in it ma’sel tae long,
Av been waitin’ so long fur ye tae get throo aw mi uther mates!
‘An ‘a gottae get ma hole, or ‘am gonnae get f****n’ ripped man!
So get them open wide, a’ll no be long inside,
It’ll no’ be tight, but it’s better than a hookers rates!


An noo wur bodies are o so close an’ tight,
In fact yer f****n’ reakin’, yer breath stinks a’ s***e!
An’ a’ll lie here as ye’ dae it drinkin’ Sunny Delight,
No got oany buckie coz a’ tanned it last night.
Oh c’mon, tha’s no’ right, aw c’mon, yer pure s***e!


Though it’s dark and dingy ‘tween this slappers thigh’s,
A’ can see deep inside by my mobiles’ light!
Though it’s black an’ boufin’ an’swarmin’ wi flies,
Burb’ry tights aw’ready torn wide!


(Both)
Ye gottae take wot ye can,
Like yer muther did and you’re wa’s left!
Ain’t nae doot aboot it nae point in durex,
(Boy)
B’coz ye got five weans aw’ready through yer open…


‘am gonna go get ma hole tonight, ‘am gonna go get ma hole and an STI,
gonna go get ma hole tonight, ‘am gonna go get ma hole and an STI!
gonna go get ma hole tonight, ‘am gonna go get ma hole and an STI,
gonna go get ma hole tonight, ‘am gonna go get ma hole and an STI!


(Commentary of Old Firm game comes over Pirate radio)

Aw rite here we go, we go’ a right belta’ ae yin kikin’ aff here,
First half, baith 4-4-2, nae score, 20 meenits gone!
There’s the pass back an’ there it is a big hoof fae the goalie,
Look at this twat, the c**t jis f****n’ dived,
He wants a foul, the refs no huvin’ nane ae it!
He’s no’ geein’ up the claim an’ noo ee’s go’ a yella’.
The wa’s jus creeping up a metre, but ‘ere comes the kick and wha’ a fluff!
He’s gonna slide in feet first, there he goes,
He’s aff! Naw wait naw, yella’ no’ a red,
That c**t’s lucky still hae’n a chance oot there!
Fullback, steps up fur the kick, here’s the chip an’ he’s going
An’ wha’ a step ‘at wis, he’s goin’ fer goal,
Here’s the shot, it’s naewhere near, safely held,
Wit tha’ f**k wha’ a waste!
Thur gaen a pretty guid grip ae this,
Aw’most tellin’ ‘em tae cum ‘n ‘av a go!
Midfields spied an openin’, lines up,
An’ its punted, punted doon the centrefield,
The wee baw’d wans chasin’ up.
Therra shot, therra belta’ ae yin!
F****n’ ‘ell a hink its gonnae sneak it!


(Girl)
Get tae f**k!!! Ye gonnae no dae that!
Before we go oany further dae ye luv meh?
Will ye buy meh ma buckie an’ ma munchies?
Gie meh half yer weed an’
Will ye gimme dole money fur ma habits a’ crave,
Buy ma’ youngest her fags, she’s smokin’ 40 a day!


Oh dae ye luv meh?
Will ye luv meh fur eva, will ye feed meh?
Will ye never beat meh?
Will ye teach ma weans how tae steal an’ roll their own joints,
How tae beat up each other even though there’s nae point!

A’ gottae ken right noo!
A’fore wi go oany further dae ye luv meh?
Will ye luv me fur eva???


(Boy)
Aw whit tha’ f**ks aw this?
F****n’ hell hen, whit the f**ks aw this?
Aw whit the f**ks aw this,
Jus open yer legs ‘n lets get tae it!!!
(x3)


(Girl)
A’ gottae ken right noo!
dae ye luv meh?
Will ye buy meh ma buckie an’ ma munchies?
Gie meh half yer weed an’
Will ye gimme dole money fur ma habits a’ crave,
Buy ma’ youngest her fags, she’s smoking 40 a day!

A’ gottae know right noo!
A’fore wi go oany further dae ye luv meh?
Will ye luv me fur eva???


Hurry the f**k up boy!
C’mon, a’ don’t talk nae s***e!
Well, wa’s it gonnae be boy, f****n’ ‘ell?
Wa’s it gonnae be boy, aye…or…naw?


(Boy)
Aw whit tha’ f**ks aw this?
F****n’ hell hen, whit the f**ks aw this?
Aw whit the f**ks aw this,
Jus open yer legs ‘n lets get tae it!!!

(Girl)
I gottae ken right noo!

Dae ye luv meh?
(B)Aw whit tha’ f**ks aw this?

(G)Will ye luv meh fur eva, will ye feed meh?
(B)F****n’ hell hen, whit the f**ks aw this?

(G)Will ye never beat meh?
Will ye teach ma weans how tae steal an’ roll their own joints,
(B)Aw whit the f**ks aw this,

(G)How tae beat up each other even though there’s no point!
(B)Jus open yer legs ‘n lets get tae it, tae it, c’mon get f****n’ tae it!

(Girl)
A’ gottae know right noo!
A’fore wi go oany further dae ye luv meh?
Will ye luv me fur eva???


(Boy)
Aw whit the f**ks aw this?

(Girl)
Will ye get meh ma buckie?

(Boy)
Aw whit the f**ks aw this?

(Girl)
Will ye buy meh ma munchies?


(Boy)
A’ve hid enuf ae aw this b*****ks, f****n’ hell hen,
A hink ye hink that am a dafty, well a’ll show ye then.
A’ll start sweerin’ oan ma jiro ‘n ma other claims,
That a can luv ye til a go inside,
a swore a wid luv ye til a go inside!


So noo am prayin fur the polis swine,
Tae hurry up an’ arrive.
Coz if a gottae listen tae yer greetin’ n girnin’
A don’t hink tha’ a can suffer yer whines!


(Girl)
A’ll neva let ye go, I’m due in seven months!

(Boy)
Well god only kens that cud be anyone’s!


Am prayin fur the polis swine tae cum pit me awa…aw…aw,
Prayin’ that they gimme time, but no afore av done yer maw!!!


Well it were naw tae guid, it wurnae wurth the wait,
It sounded so much better cummin’ fae ma mate...

(Girl)
It neva felt nae guid, ye didnae dae it right,
A cudnae even tell if ye were in or naw awrra night...