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Song Parodies -> "Gandalf Not So White"
Original Song Title:
"Blinded By The Light"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Manfred Mann's Earth Band
Parody Song Title:
"Gandalf Not So White"
Parody Written by:
2nz
The Lyrics
7 BIG HOBBIT SONGS: Song #3. This is what I did during Hurricane Sandy. Took some ques from some other authors here, including TT's well-written 'BIND AND TIE HER TIGHT' (as you'll see in the second half of this parody), and actively tried not to borrow Mike P's line: "FRODO'S MOJO". This song is exhausting, and I'm glad it's done. Hope you all enjoy!
Gandalf not so White
So tall in his robes, but in a color not as bright
Gandalf not so White
Most folk prefer Coke, but he would rather have a Sprite
Gandalf not so White…
[1st Verse]
Evil Sauron’s war on all the human morons
Had him giving shiny gold
All the kings got a ring, and they started corrupting
And soon joined Sauron’s fold
Then the borders up in Mordor scared the wizard order
Rings slipped and fell to the ground
Middle Earth had it’s demons, reasons and treasons
Till’ Galadriel summoned him down
Till’ Galadriel summoned him down
And he is…
Gandalf not so White
Book him on the grass and get some fireworks of light
Gandalf not so White
The eagles en mass if Mister Wizard needs a flight
Gandalf not so White
He won’t let you pass, you might as well go fly a kite
Gandalf not so White
If you’re acting crass, then on a mountain get a smite…
[2nd Verse]
This wizarding hobo met the uncle of Frodo
Told him ‘I found you a quest’
He said ‘good morning, no thanks I’m not wearing shoes
I refuse, you good morning pest’
Then Thorin stormed in as Gandalf wore a wizard-grin
And Bilbo had to entertain
At first this waiter wavered but he felt much braver later
And joined thirteen descendants of Thrain
Joined thirteen descendants of Thrain
All thanks to…
Gandalf not so White
If you’re a recluse, then he will make of you a knight
Gandalf not so White…
When he’s ‘round, that’s when smoke rings get found
He’s gonna help us win the fight
He’s gonna help us…
Win the fight
But Gandalf, what’s with the hobbits?
But Gandalf, what’s with the hobbits?
Gandalf always said that we should trust him, we’ll be glad when he’s done
But Gandalf, what’s with the hobbits?
[3rd Verse]
A strong-willed, very skilled, sev’ral times killed Silmaril
Wizard from afar
He bagged Bil’ from Underhill, made his life adventure-filled
So now he is a wizard star
And he fresh-grills Mumakil with lots of pyrotechnics
Watchin’ the doom advance
So when doom spills, he will go party like he’s Bombadil
As Middle Earth drops its pants…
With Galadriel he’s gettin’ down
Yes he is…
Gandalf not so White
Not being obtuse, another wizards staff in sight
Gandalf not so White
Juiced up on caboose, he thinks Galadriel is tight
Gandalf not so White
Knocked up ‘cause she’s loose, and they said Eowyn would fight
Gandalf not so White
Don’t take the abuse, watch out for Uruk-hai with blight
Gandalf not so White
Takes any excuse, and then he’ll conjure you all night
Gandalf not so White
Walks ‘round like he’s Zeus, and others run away in fright
Gandalf not so White
When Beorn jumped a moose, it turned around and tried to bite
Gandalf not so White…
[1st Verse – alternate]
Madman Bilbo drills those maidens in their pillows
Like a teenage hobbit-boy
And when Beorn is forlorn, he shows animals his thorn
Because it gives him joy
And the dwarven are uncorkin’, in the dark they’re porkin’
Belts slip and beards are entwined
In the glory is Dori, Nori then Ori
But big Bombur is always behind
[1st Verse - Extension]
Now Bard is a full yard, has an arrow big’n’hard
And traps some ladies in his bow
And some evil, with greedy pull, is under-handing Smeagol
As his beagle’s starting to grow
[2nd Verse - Alternate]
Some wizards will harden at the sight of an Arwen
Holding some chains and a whip
She says ‘I’ll turn you on, boys, into something long…’
He got down, and he never got tired, he keeps on going…
Through the night
[OUTTAKES]
(Complete 2nd Verse - Alternate)
Some wizards will harden at the sight of an Arwen
Holding some chains and a whip
She says ‘I’ll turn you on, boys, into something long…’
Elven thongs and a dwarven grip
And big-size Samwise has Frodo help his Lembas rise
To see if he can open wide
And Pip is very buried in a very Merry’s cherry
He’s asking for a hobbit-y ride
(Alternate Bridge)
Gollum always said ‘No cure for stresses like some lovin’ and fun’
But Gollum, what’s hepatitis?
So tall in his robes, but in a color not as bright
Gandalf not so White
Most folk prefer Coke, but he would rather have a Sprite
Gandalf not so White…
[1st Verse]
Evil Sauron’s war on all the human morons
Had him giving shiny gold
All the kings got a ring, and they started corrupting
And soon joined Sauron’s fold
Then the borders up in Mordor scared the wizard order
Rings slipped and fell to the ground
Middle Earth had it’s demons, reasons and treasons
Till’ Galadriel summoned him down
Till’ Galadriel summoned him down
And he is…
Gandalf not so White
Book him on the grass and get some fireworks of light
Gandalf not so White
The eagles en mass if Mister Wizard needs a flight
Gandalf not so White
He won’t let you pass, you might as well go fly a kite
Gandalf not so White
If you’re acting crass, then on a mountain get a smite…
[2nd Verse]
This wizarding hobo met the uncle of Frodo
Told him ‘I found you a quest’
He said ‘good morning, no thanks I’m not wearing shoes
I refuse, you good morning pest’
Then Thorin stormed in as Gandalf wore a wizard-grin
And Bilbo had to entertain
At first this waiter wavered but he felt much braver later
And joined thirteen descendants of Thrain
Joined thirteen descendants of Thrain
All thanks to…
Gandalf not so White
If you’re a recluse, then he will make of you a knight
Gandalf not so White…
When he’s ‘round, that’s when smoke rings get found
He’s gonna help us win the fight
He’s gonna help us…
Win the fight
But Gandalf, what’s with the hobbits?
But Gandalf, what’s with the hobbits?
Gandalf always said that we should trust him, we’ll be glad when he’s done
But Gandalf, what’s with the hobbits?
[3rd Verse]
A strong-willed, very skilled, sev’ral times killed Silmaril
Wizard from afar
He bagged Bil’ from Underhill, made his life adventure-filled
So now he is a wizard star
And he fresh-grills Mumakil with lots of pyrotechnics
Watchin’ the doom advance
So when doom spills, he will go party like he’s Bombadil
As Middle Earth drops its pants…
With Galadriel he’s gettin’ down
Yes he is…
Gandalf not so White
Not being obtuse, another wizards staff in sight
Gandalf not so White
Juiced up on caboose, he thinks Galadriel is tight
Gandalf not so White
Knocked up ‘cause she’s loose, and they said Eowyn would fight
Gandalf not so White
Don’t take the abuse, watch out for Uruk-hai with blight
Gandalf not so White
Takes any excuse, and then he’ll conjure you all night
Gandalf not so White
Walks ‘round like he’s Zeus, and others run away in fright
Gandalf not so White
When Beorn jumped a moose, it turned around and tried to bite
Gandalf not so White…
[1st Verse – alternate]
Madman Bilbo drills those maidens in their pillows
Like a teenage hobbit-boy
And when Beorn is forlorn, he shows animals his thorn
Because it gives him joy
And the dwarven are uncorkin’, in the dark they’re porkin’
Belts slip and beards are entwined
In the glory is Dori, Nori then Ori
But big Bombur is always behind
[1st Verse - Extension]
Now Bard is a full yard, has an arrow big’n’hard
And traps some ladies in his bow
And some evil, with greedy pull, is under-handing Smeagol
As his beagle’s starting to grow
[2nd Verse - Alternate]
Some wizards will harden at the sight of an Arwen
Holding some chains and a whip
She says ‘I’ll turn you on, boys, into something long…’
He got down, and he never got tired, he keeps on going…
Through the night
[OUTTAKES]
(Complete 2nd Verse - Alternate)
Some wizards will harden at the sight of an Arwen
Holding some chains and a whip
She says ‘I’ll turn you on, boys, into something long…’
Elven thongs and a dwarven grip
And big-size Samwise has Frodo help his Lembas rise
To see if he can open wide
And Pip is very buried in a very Merry’s cherry
He’s asking for a hobbit-y ride
(Alternate Bridge)
Gollum always said ‘No cure for stresses like some lovin’ and fun’
But Gollum, what’s hepatitis?
Copyright 2012+ Glen Stollberger
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WoW ! This is like a deluxe box-set of a parody (including the outtakes which certain Amirighters might or might appreciate!). And you filled in the spaces of this hard, hard OS with great Tolkien terminology. Well done!
Thanks Agri for your very kind words. I wasn't sure how this parody would fare, so I appreciate it. Can I expect a HOBBIT parody or two from you in the next month or so? :c]
I am not so sure at this point...personal obligations have pushed most of my free time away. Maybe in December, if ever, as I also am not really well-versed in the Tolkien world beyond the LOTR movies.
Um....interesting outtakes... ;)
I approve! Oh, I also approve of the parody ;)
Thanks for coming out you hobbits. I'm glad you two got to enjoy that line ;c). That line is probably the only reason the alternate 2nd stanza ever got completed.
Glad we could be er...dubious inspiration - hee hee.
Quite an epic song to parody. I like the way you started off innocuously and started slipping in a few non-Tolkienian shenanigans. Refreshing to see a few non-LOTR characters putting in an appearance too, though I'm sure that will soon change with the new Peter Jackson movie. Five golden rings for Christmas. The outtakes are very welcome. I think I might follow your lead now and then. It's interesting for other authors to consider whether you made the right choice.
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