She said I was a slug so I got down on the rug
Just to show what I could do
Then I quickly began shoving down with my hands
Thought I would pushup a time or two
And I screamed and bellowed as my gut hung like Jello
But I did not move
And I felt my woman stare and then I heard her swear
"Get back in shape or we are through"

I said "Excuuuuuusssseeee meeeeeeee!"

"It seems you like food more than your wife"
I heard my sweet darlin' saying to me
"You once were lean and mean and big and bad, dude
Now you're a jelly bean"
Hey, wait a minute sister I'm still that same old mister
And I will prove it to you
So I got me a trainer 'cause it couldn't be plainer
Just what I gotta do

And he said
Gimme three reps, gimme three reps, mister
Gimme three reps from the floor
Gimme three reps, gimme three reps, mister
And then gimme about twenty-four
And more

At the end of the day I had to hit the hay
I just couldn't take any more
And I'm telling you, son, well it ain't no fun
Feeling just like I'm ninety-four
So I realize what she said is true
And so she should head on out the door
Because I'm heading out just to find some snacks
Down at the neighborhood grocery store

And I say
Gimme french bread, gimme french bread, grocer
Gimme Big Red and some s'mores
Gimme cheese spread, gimme cheese spread, grocer
And I'll soon be heading back for more

Now watch the beer pour