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Song Parodies -> "Twine Hair"

Original Song Title:

"Mein Heir"

Original Performer:

Liza Minnelli, Cabaret

Parody Song Title:

"Twine Hair"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

That bank of standing strands is merely sham fine hair;
it’s tightened, then it’s lightened to seem glam fine hair.
Its owner boasts and gloats that it is damn fine hair.
It ain’t true; puffed-up ’do
that you view is quite new.
It’s a ’do
held with glue.

A pile of fiber hair
up there; it’s fiber hair.
Although it’s fair to share: It’s no combover.
If it should get a snare, it’s easy to repair.
Never drops off, this mastic’d twine hair.

It’s finely dyed twine hair,
will-never-slide twine hair;
looks like a grooming error on Rover.
It’s knit so solid—wow!
A harrow or a plow
could hardly rout, pull out that twine hair.

A contingent is required to keep tied twine hair,
or else it might start a side-to-side slide, twine hair.
It looks like something in a lion pride, twine hair.
It’s a ’do that will stand
up to wind,
’cause it’s prepped
in a pile
that is sham.

It’s piled up fiber hair
seen there; high fiber hair
ain’t goin’ anywhere. It’s no combover.
If it should get a snare, there’s no need to despair.
Never drops off, this plastered twine hair.

It’s finely dyed twine hair,
ain’t-gonna-slide twine hair;
looks like a blooming terror on Rover.
Weighs as much as a cow;
a harrow or a plow
could hardly rout, yank out that twine hair.

Tied twine, that fiber hair.
Auf Wiedersehen, twine hair?
Ain’t goin’ anywhere...can’t off fly.
It has a role, twine hair—
not like a stole she’d wear,
because he cannot doff it, twine hair.

Tied twine, that fiber hair.
There’s gelled twined fiber hair
made from oil mined, twine hair—
a crown of faux fur.
It’s knitted well, and how!
It could withstand, I vow,
a tornado…could not rout twine hair.

Tied twine, that fiber hair.
Auf Wiedersehen, twine hair?
Ain’t flyin’ off from there…no “bye-bye.”
Got such a hold, twine hair—
not like the stoles priests wear,
because he cannot doff it, twine hair.

Hair gel binds fiber hair—
those ties of fiber hair—
applied to fiber hair, no combover
From one side, here to there
Showing much combing flair—
To thresh it soft yet stoutly—
tied, dyed
twine hair.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

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 5   1
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User Comments

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Matthias - October 16, 2018 - Report this comment
Thanks for joining! Looks like you were the only one so brownie points go to you! Good stuff. Any hair is better than Donald Trump's hairdo
CML - October 16, 2018 - Report this comment
It appears you have some talent, newbie. Stick around and we'll coach you ad nurture it into something big. We sure could use some new blood around here ;-D

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