A song I'd rarely heard before
Six times this week or maybe more
As PBS keeps trying to renew you
Celtic Thunder and Leonard C
All night intoning solemnly
The baffling lyrics they call "Hallelujah"

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

At the Winter Games ms. k. d. lang
To the enraptured crowd she sang
For no reason I can fathom, "Hallelujah"
Except that k and len might be
From a land whose name begins with "C"
So from her lips we heard the "Hallelujah"

Hallelujah, skatin' to ya'
Hallelujah, Molson brew ya'

I remember back in sixty three
A funny man on our TV
You knew the tune, but Allen's words could fool you
'Twixt "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadd'"
And other stanzas just as odd
Was Allen Sherman singing "Hal and Lulu"

Hal and Lulu, Hal and Lulu
Hal and Lulu, Hal and Lulu

A TV show I only know
From watching other TV shows
I have no memories of my own like you do
My Dad said he despised the theme
Its silly lyrics would make him scream
So, he'd change the channel simply to eschew, who?

Howdy Doody, Howdy Doody
Howdy Doody, Howdy Doody

Dirty Harry, just for fun
Would aim his Smith and Wesson gun
It could blow a fist-sized hole clean through you
"How many bullets have I fired?"
From the fallen felon he inquired
"Do you feel lucky, punk, well, do you?"

Lucky do you, Lucky do you
Lucky do you, Lucky do you

If Tiny Tim were still around
For thirty minutes he'd expound
A marathon reprise, your brain would do flips
But, alas, poor Tiny's in the ground
So "Hallelujah" shan't resound
From the man who used to tiptoe through the tulips

Through the Tulips, Through the Tulips
Through the Tulips, Through the Tulips

Celtic Thunder's back again
Wearing skirts, though they are men
If I had a dime to pledge, I just might phone ya'
"Hallelujah" is here, so's "Ireland's Call"
"Appalachian Round-up", best of all
But the one I wish they'd sing is "Caledonia"

Caledonia, Caledonia
Caledonia, Caledonia

His song has powers to perplex
But it's really nothing more than sex
Leonard's way of saying "I'd like to screw her"
Relationship of woman-man
Could her name have been Suzanne?
It seems no one around here ever knew her

Never knew her, Never knew her
Never knew her, Never knew her

By now I've rambled way too long
Disrupting Leonard Cohen's song
Guess I'm just another chanson-vandal
Realize, it could get worse
I might compose another verse
So, in the words of the great Georg Friedrich Handel

Halleluljah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hal-le-lu-jah!