I see the "L" upon your sweater laced
As my hands cup your Bronx bazooms
I am a channeler of TV waste
And I hate the Big Ragu
I woo this daughter of DeFazio name
Shotz Beer has called its queen
When you bowl in DeFazio's pizza place
All will be shlameeled

Greasy zits implode on Lenny's face
As Squiggy "Hello's!!" in my ears
And now fair Shirley's seized the day
In her see through silk brassiere

I been hot for Shirley, there ain't no denying
No denying
Been dreamin' of Shirley naked
And flyin'
Nude, she's flyin'

This Shotz I drink
Makes my pee brown
Because the brew's
From a plant shut down
Now my thighs
Grab Laverne's hand
As I give in
To her Pop's demands

Trying to quiet, trying to quiet
This old fossil
Don't need a muzzle, don't need a muzzle
Just a giant shlamozzle

Oh father of the thug called Pizzaface
Or Big Ragu as he's known here
Tell him he's needed at DeFazio's place
So I can play with Shirl's brassiere
Laverne's gone bowling with Lenny, Ms. Feeney
But she will return again
Wear your spandex, crack your whip, and be a meany
And lick off me Shotz Beer

Oh owner of Four Seas Motel
Just shut your ears
Pay no attention to our cries and moans
Drink the rest of our Shotz Beer

Beer when I want, when I wanna play, yeah
Shirl that I steal, Shirl that I slip away with today
Oooh baby, ooh my baby, it needs air
Gonna ditch Milwaukee and find another lair!