There's a guy at the bar
Thinks he can play guitar
And he's murdering "Stairway to Heaven"
He should know that can't
Sing like Ro-wo-bert Plant
Every word seems like it's rather painful

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And he's murdering "Stairway to Heaven"

His guitar choice: courageous
Twin-necked, like Jimmy Page's
He can't play even six of eighteen strings
Think we can hear the moans
Of the ghost of John Paul Jones
Uh.. Hold on a sec, Bonham's the dead one

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And he's murdering "Stairway to Heaven"

And we're praying that soon,
He will finish this tune
But it seems like he's taking all season
Hope the next song he'll play
Will blow this one away
'Cause I don't think he'll get any laughter

Oooooo-oops
And he makes a blunder
Oooooo-oops
He makes another blunder

And he didn't rehearse
'Cause he missed out a verse
But at least it means he'll finish much faster

The hand is strumming and it don't go because he don't know
The words he's mumbling, so join in
"Dear lady can't you give a good blow" ain't how the words go
This "Stairway"'s worse than Rolf Harris's

And as he plays that bloody song
You're sure it's gone on way too long
You hear a bit you think you know
It's played too fast, perhaps too slow
But now it must be near the end
And if you listen very hard
Thank god, he's finishing at last
You think you know how this bit goes
Not only sucks: you think it blows
Blow-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohs

And he's massacring "Stairway
To Heaven"