If the corn gives a fuck
Then the ringtone holds and holds
And I'm buying the stairway to Devon
If you eat all the corn
And talk at the same time
Choking's on the stairway to Devon

Hmmmm, hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm
Hmmmm, hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm

If it stares right at you
And the winter is cold
And I'm buying the stairway to Devon
Then it sees, what it brings
Then I'm drinking Dr Pepper

It's about time I have drank
More fucking spring water
Then I'm buying the stairway to Buxton
Thank god, I've chose water
Rather than those drinks that rot the teeth
And I'm buying the stairway to Devon

Hmmmm, and it makes me shiver
Hmmmm, and it makes me wonder

If there's a fuck all in your hedgerow
Don't be a dickhead
Wishing there was more times than Britney
And there was a lady we don't know
If there's a piss off in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
Don't self-harm cos that's not right

(Bridge > guitar solo):

If it all calls me Level 42
There is a night of Mark King
And there is a lady we don't fucking know
If there's time, then I'm past 10 0'clock
Then I'm buffering off

And she's buying the stairway to Devon