He was bored in the summer, gettin' wrecked on pot and beer,
Decided to try something he'd never done before.
He guessed that he might like bikin'--never went when he was a kid,
But he recalled the Raleigh that he'd adored.

He paid big bucks for a mountain bike on that very day.
He said, "Road bikes are for Lance Armstrong."
He went out and started spokin', gettin' doses of fresh air,
And he's ridin' fast, far away from the throng.

He's a callow* ridin', mountain-bikin' guy.
He's strainin' up a steep peak toward the sky.
The gravel under his bike is harder than a lug-nut pie.
Mountain-bikin' guy.

He climbs upheaval mountain, formed by magma burps below.
He stops and whizzes as far as he can pee.
Then he starts to acting crazy, tryin' acrobatic stunts--
Altitude-sickness-altered brain chemistry.

He jumps rocks at highest altitude through forest trails quite steep,
Feelin' great and runnin' over snakes.
But he tries to turn too sharply; he sees it's a blunder and
He's sent heavenward, as to the air he takes.

He's a cauliflower-eared mountain-bikin' guy;
You see him flying high through the sky.
He lands on a rock, he's a casualty but doesn't die,
Mountain-bikin' guy.

Now his bike is torn asunder and he's got a giant ear;
He hopes his insurance is comprehensive.
He'll no longer tear down mountain trails; he is gonna stick with four-
Wheeled vehicles, like cars, on straight, flat land.

He's a clobbered rock-thrown mountain-bikin' guy;
He's felt pain after flyin' through the sky.
And he is a poorer man, having been airlifted from on high,
Mountin' bills for guy

So don't call him now no mountain-bikin' guy.
They drained his bank account and so he cries.
Back to his former life of bein' bored and high,
Mount-dislikin' guy.


*inexperienced