Some say it's seamy, for profs at B.U. to play for hours
Then, in a trice, because of gambling vice. . .poor as church mice.
Need an ICU right inside this cursèd casino
For emergencies like losin' sprees when throwin' dice.

Toss the dice and I lose,
Toss the dice and I lose.
"Baby needs some new shoes!"
Damn, snake eyes--up come twos.
Toss the dice and I lose.

Unholy world I see around me, and it needs rejection,
'Cause law of averages says you're gonna see craps when you throw.
So I gotta find an exemplar of perfection
Who will make me prayerful, make me atone, and no smoke blow.

But where will I find someone as saintly as Mother
T., who don't drink. . .who's not a player in place to lose?
Is he among gambling people, the man who'll smother
All this temptation through lessons learned in a "Book of Virtues?"

Where's the guy of Virtues?
Where's the guy of Virtues?
Need a guy who's got views
Fit to preach to the pews,
Where's the guy of Virtues?

Now there are Anglos on reservations in the casinos,
And over there, one who'll be placed near God, when he's on high.
But he's kinda fat; more than the wings of angels
Needed for this guy, if he's gonna be mountin'
Up there to fly.

He's the guy of Virtues
Wrote the "Book of Virtues
While others he'd accuse
Eight million he did lose
He's the guy of Virtues.