CAT'S ON THE TABLE

My dog arrived just the other day
Crapped on the rug as we started to play
Tried to play some catch, but he ran away
I got a fine, which I had to pay
And he bit the old cat, and as he chewed
He'd bark, "I'm gonna want more food, dude"
"You know I'm gonna want more food!"

And the cat's on the table licking all the spoons
Little dog licking the plates in the room
Dishes gettin' cleaned bad, here in the den
And now plague is settin' in
You know the plague is settin' in

The mutt turned one just the other day
He growled, "I bit a kid when I went to play"
"Can you throw me a bone?" I said "Sure, go'way"
Gotta clean your poo, and a lawn to spray
And he licked his butt, and then licked my face
I said, I need to get some mace, yeah
You know I'm gonna need some mace

And the cat's on the table licking all the spoons
Little dog licking the plates in the room
Dishes gettin' cleaned bad, here in the den
And now plague is settin' in
You know the plague is settin' in

Well, he came from the yard just the other day
Holdin' a dead squirrel that he sent my way
Thought he'd got them all, but it wasn't his style
Went to look for more, as he howled for a while
What he'd really like is the mailman please
"I'm a 'gator, can I eat him please?"

And the cat's on the table licking all the spoons
Little dog licking the plates in the room
Dishes gettin' cleaned bad, here in the den
And now plague is settin' in
You know disease is settin' in

He's long since expired, finally passed away
There were a lot of Vet bills to pay
I cleaned the diarrhea, as he went blind
I had to put him down, I guess it was his time
But now my new dog's a hassle, and the new kitty too
And I've gotten over the diseases
And I'm getting used to fleas
And as my petted my pal, it occured to me
These nasty beasts aren't free
And my house smells like pee

And the cat's chewin' cables licking all the spoons
Little dog licking his crotch in the room
Dishes gettin' cleaned bad, here in the den
And now plague is settin' in
You know the plague is settin' in