it was a Dunkin Donuts washroom,
and the place just opened up..
and the little man ran in so fast,
pullin at his cuffs..
and the broad who served the coffee,
she was a pretty portly girl
who tried to fight the empty nights
by servin stale desserts
and she said hey bub, it's been a while, since you been around
what the hell you think you're doin, and best you not sit down

well the little man just stood there, like he hadn't heard a sound
the waitress she let out of her trough,
and actin not the least put off he spoke, rather thin..

I don't want to bother you, but consider it understood
I know you like your beauty queens, but that toilet aint so good

well the little man took his thing from his hands
and he placed them on his hips
he pulled right up on the zip
and then he told the waitress this story

I work the midnight warehouse down at harvey's swiss chalet
I see the chickens grilling, I clean up fish filets,
a week ago, at the takeout,
I was alone at night,
and this here lovely lady,
she came in for a take out biter

and lord lord lord
lord lord lord..
she was allright

you see she was so damn beautiful that she could warm
a winter's frost
and she looked oh so hungry, for words, I was just lost
now I'm not much of a salesman, or a sell 'em a chicken guy
but I stepped up to the counter and I'd give it just one try

and lord lord lord
lord lord lord
she was worth the try

well I was tongue tied like a school boy
I stammered out somethings
and she was highly educated, so I suggested wings
she just looked clear on through me, to a place right through
my head,
and shamelessly she tried the new toasted garlic bread
if you want to have my visa, than that's allright with me
cause I just got out of your washroom, and then I know you'll need
a better place to pee
anywhere there's a better place to pee

so I drove her to the pizza hut, and I showed her into the room
and the sensors clicked and then the light
brightened up the room
but she said.. please hold my take out..
oh while I wash my hands to start
and as the gravy fell about my feet,
I could hear her fart..
the exhaust fan working vainly as she exited the head
it was the kind of stench that tells you
something inside her's dead
I know I couldnt breathe, it was so disgusting and unreal
and she held her finger to her mouth and said.. shhhhh.
I know just how you feel
and if you want to go in there after, then that's all right with me
but I think you know exactly now, you need a better place to pee
anywhere's a better place to pee

the next guy ran in swiftly, and I quickly grabbed her arm
lets beat a path for freedom, before he comes to harm
i didn't want to share the blame with her, or dare to hang around
cause when the hazmat team would come, "out" i would be found

I came back, with a lysol can,
to find that she was gone
she left a 6 word letter sayin
I hope the smell has gone

well the waitress took her paper rag and wiped it across her eyes
as she spoke her vpoice came out something like a sigh
she said I wish that I had seen it all, or that you had saved some gas
cause there's a little guy who uses this,
and he's a pain, yes in the ass
and I'm glad for you and glad for me that there's no linger zone
cause we both know about flatulence,
and when to leave the zone

and the little man looked at his thing in his hand
and he said "right from the heart"
and then he blew a mightty fart
and I know you have been so lucky
and if you want to come in here right now,
then my dear I know you'll see..
that dunkin needs a hazmat team
and a better place to peeeeeeeeeee...


dunkin needs a better place to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee